"Lighting a path back toward your marriage" is, basically, living out in front of your wife* those changes in yourself -- including your willingness to have a forgiving attitude about her affair, if she ends it -- that give her a glimpse of what an ENTIRELY NEW MARRIAGE with CD Bear would look like, should she choose to want to reconcile with you. It's "Hey, I'm not looking over my shoulder to see if you're watching me or not, but here I go, down the path, living a new and changed life. I now know thru this that I no longer NEED you -- I'll be OK -- but I WANT you to join me in this, if you want to (and are willing to abide my boundaries." It's just a fancy way of saying "Show her the new you," so that she has some HOPE if she chooses to come back, that things won't just go back to the same, pre-affair dysfunctional patterns that you may have had in your marriage.
Thanks, Puppy. I have always thought about the bolded pieces above. How can I "SHOW" this? I would think that this would need to be said somehow. Or is it taking on a new, detached, compassionate "tone" and "listening" interaction in any phone and emails? Similar to what is bolded below? Any other suggestions?
Originally Posted By: Puppy
TRUST ME, WOMEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO. They watch, they hear, they ask around, THEY CHECK UP ON YOU. ...live out your changes in front of them when you DO see them, or interact with them via phone or e-mail. And for those behaviors (like affection, for example) that may be prior marital complaints you can let your interactions with OTHERS be that "light that you shine" in front of them. With your interactions with your kids, or with other adults (esp women!} while in your spouse's presence.
I will be on guard that she is checking up and curious. I realize I'll be doing it for ME but it means I have to begin engaging the new behaviours and practicing as soon as possible. Who knows how soon (or if ever-I know) she'l start to look back herself.
