Hey sorry to her this . The hardest thing to do in both my W and my life was to tell our S that we were getting a D he is 10. The one thing for us was to be upfront and honest with him and try to make his life as normal as possible.
Our MC/IC/FT has helped out as well as our S enjoys going to see her. As far as leaving I didn't want to either but I make less than my W and didn't want them to move from our house lucky for me I'm 10 min down the road. Gotta get back to work.
As much as the past week has been tough and hope seems to be getting less and less. I don't want to give up.
Erich Fromm suggested that essentially we are all born free and throughout the course of our lifetime impose restrictions on our own freedom to provide ourselves with a sense of security and belonging in order to avoid loneliness and anxiety. In his thesis there is statement of particular importance to this thread:
There is only one meaning of life: The Act of Living It.
Read into as you may. He also theorized that in order to be able to truly love another person, one needs first care about yourself, take responsibility for yourself, respect yourself, and Know Yourself.
As always, I hope this helps to refocus your thinking. Now, "unroll that twenty and buy me some beer."
"Whoever has learned to be anxious in the right way has learned the ultimate."—Søren Kierkegaard, The Concept of Anxiety
For Kierkegaard, in Begrebet Angest (The Concept of Anxiety), anxiety is the fear we experience in the face of freedom. Kierkegaard uses the example of a man standing on the edge of a cliff. When the man looks over the edge, he experiences a focused fear of falling, but at the same time, the man feels a terrifying impulse to take a "leap of fate" and throw himself from the ledge. That experience is the anxiety we experience in recognizing our own freedom and the possibility of choosing our own destiny.
Anxiety informs us of our choices, our self-awareness and personal responsibility, and brings us from a state of un-self-conscious immediacy to self-conscious reflection. Kierkegaard coined this our "dizziness of freedom."
yeah, kick his butt to the curb, and live a great life for you and your kids, find someone better to replace him and then when he comes crawling back to you, tell him "I'm not sure how I feel about you anymore, maybe you can wait around for me 6-12 months while I make up my mind about you & me and compare you to other people and if I remember, I'll let you know"
;-)
yes that would be mean but I think it would "undo" all of that begging & pleading but that's just my 0.02 cents on this, I'd love gooch himself to chime in on his own thread and respond to you, he's the king around here.
^ Bump
Gucci?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
We spoke to our pediatrician. She said not to say anything until right before the W moves out. And not to fight in front of them, or to blame each other. I don't quite agree with all of it (as i've said in other threads), but these are the typical guidelines.
I think that it is a dangerous assumption that keeps LBS from moving on. The whole idea that a spouse is "in a fog," "not themselves right now," or otherwise "insane," just because they don't want to be with us anymore.
Were they insane to be with us and not their previous partners? I don't think so.
It is a very rare thing for couples to stay together, "happily," after the initial rush wears off. Most humans don't really want the depth and comfort of longevity. It's boring to them. They want the excitement back.
I believe that most relationships simply run their course and that is all there is to it.
Please don't take offense but I found that line of reasoning offensive; short sighted and presumtuous.
I still believe that R's are what you can make of them. And your ability to make something of any R (i.e KEEP the excitement) depends solely on YOUR ability to know what excites YOU and THEM and work on that.
To take the defeatest; helpless; and almost victimish stance that "R's run their course and that's that" is giving up before you played the game.
Why get into the R in the first place? For the thrill of the start and the pain of the end? not for me, thanks.
And that the other person left the last relationship to be with us doesn't prove this position. All it says is that we know that they (like our leaving our last R's)either discovered: -there was a true incompatibility -WE failed to create and maintain boundaries to get what WE needed from the R -THEY failed to do the above as well OR couldn't accept the others' boundaries -We and/or THEY had inner issues that developed into an insurmountable R obstacle. -Any combination of the above.
"The fog" which is spoken of is the failure to recognize/acknowledge any of the above and/or be under the influence of the "Love Drug (PEA)" which prevents ANY analysis of the above. I would also consider that the attitude of "R's run theit course and that's that" IS a attributeable and a symptom of the same "fog"
2x4? 4x4? Yes.
My opinion. I have a similar opinion about the "term" MLC.
