WAW still around, DBing starting to work

[gutwrenching]

Haven't had computer access for a while. Most of the journey across the country is done. Yesterday, dropped W off at hotel for her to catch flight. I continued driving with kids to my parents. The drive was good at times, stressful at others. Nothing changed in sitch...her mind made up to separate, me continuing to detach.

Then it was time to drop her off and sort of start the separation, though more symbolic at this point. Emotional day for all. Kids emotional just cause their mom not continuing on with them, though they haven't been told yet. W and I emotional cause this is the beginning of our new lives as I told her. She was and is still a wreck. I didn't do as well as I should have dumping her and moving on, but I'm trying with lots of encouragement from a couple DB friends on the alt (only thing I had access too). Three times she told me that she was "pretty sure" this separation/D is what she wanted but now is not sure. She was texting me like crazy as I drove. "Feeling guilty", feeling like she should be with us, not doing ok, just sitting in room not doing anything. I worry a little about the depression, but she promised me she wouldn't do anything and if she got too down she'd call.

I finally reached the point of relief. I was relieved to be on my own with the girls and not with a WAS 24 hours a day in a car and trailer. I am detaching, but I do miss her. It is tough travelling across the country on my own. But for me and any chance of an us, I need to detach and she needs to feel the consequences of the decisions she is about to act upon. She called once the first night and talked to the girls and then me for a little bit. Still a mess and still in tears and admitting she isn't doing well at all. That is a big one for her...she likes to be the tough/strong one and not admit she isn't doing well. I replied that some time apart would probably do us both some good.

In a few days, we will be back together. One vehicle for now plus the fact that our household was shipped together, we cannot completely start separate lives yet. If she caves quickly, I have my boundaries in place on what it would take for me to be willing to try again.

I am getting support from my family who I have finally told that separation is right around the corner. I am lining up financial things with business decisions in mind. The tables have turned. I am the strong one and handling things well, she is a mess and scared.