Pointless at this point as I doubt I will see her much at all anymore?
"Shining a light back toward your marriage," (or "Lighting a path back toward your marriage") is, basically, living out in front of your wife* those changes in yourself -- including your willingness to have a forgiving attitude about her affair, if she ends it -- that give her a glimpse of what an ENTIRELY NEW MARRIAGE with CD Bear would look like, should she choose to want to reconcile with you.
It's "Hey, I'm not looking over my shoulder to see if you're watching me or not, but here I go, down the path, living a new and changed life. I now know thru this that I no longer NEED you -- I'll be OK -- but I WANT you to join me in this, if you want to (and are willing to abide my boundaries."
It's just a fancy way of saying "Show her the new you," so that she has some HOPE if she chooses to come back, that things won't just go back to the same, pre-affair dysfunctional patterns that you may have had in your marriage.
Puppy
*If you are apart, this is a little harder, but it is NOT impossible!! Men, especially, don't get that TRUST ME, WOMEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO. They watch, they hear, they ask around, THEY CHECK UP ON YOU. This is a little harder for women to do, if they are no longer living with their wayward husbands, but for men, this is VERY doable.
The "it'll get back to them, trust me" is just one part of it. Another part is to live out your changes in front of them when you DO see them, or interact with them via phone or e-mail. And for those behaviors (like affection, for example) that may be prior marital complaints that would be seen now as PURSUING if you were to give them towards your wayward spouse, you can let your interactions with OTHERS be that "light that you shine" in front of them. With your interactions with your kids, or with other adults while in your spouse's presence.
If your wife said you were never charming or engaging enough, for example, you can DEMONSTRATE your newfound charm and engagement thru interactions with other adults (esp. women!) in group settings.
