Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[TimeHeals]

The weird thing is, she immidiately at the beginning of our conversation asked me, "Swear that there were no women in our house." Why would she ask that? I don't understand. If she was just mad and not jealous, why would she ask me that again?

Repeat after me: the weird stuff she does is about HER. It's not about you. You are more important to you than HER while she is more important to HER than YOU.

So... it's just not as important as ... say... what are YOU gonna do 20 minutes from now?

[PMA_Baby!]

All in all, I need some perspective on how I handled the situation and what you think is in her head... I'm thinking jealousy? What does that mean for my DB ?

How did you handle the situation?? Seriously?? Like you are in high school.

Don't waste our time if you are going to keep on playing these games. Sounds like you both deserve eachother and you both get off screwing w eachother.

Unless you break the cycle it will just keep on repeating. But, from the sounds of it it sound like you are co-dependent of that dynamic.

[john28]

All in all, I need some perspective on how I handled the situation and what you think is in her head... I'm thinking jealousy? What does that mean for my DB ?

How did you handle the situation?? Seriously?? Like you are in high school.

Don't waste our time if you are going to keep on playing these games. Sounds like you both deserve eachother and you both get off screwing w eachother.

Unless you break the cycle it will just keep on repeating. But, from the sounds of it it sound like you are co-dependent of that dynamic.

I agree that it seems stupid. But, I've never created any amount of mystery EVER in my M - I've always been an open book. I've told everything - been completely transparent. Creating mystery is not something that comes to me naturally, so sorry if I offended you. I'm new at this.

[PMA_Baby!]

Wasn't offended. Just thought you were asking for more problems by continuing playing games with each other.

If you want things to change then you will have to change them. These types of immature games is not the way to do it.

[john28]

I just have to keep concentrating on giving her space. She says that all she needs is space, that's it. That everything is fine but she just needs a break from the stress. She hasn't talked about S or D in 3 weeks - but i SUCK at giving her space.

She comes back friday from MIL. If I can just hold it together until then... ugh. This is really hard. I broke down last night when she was on the phone. This is just so freaking hard. I know I'm co-dependent now. Before I met her, I was greatly independent, dated lots of girls at the same time, could hang by myself and friends, etc. Now, after nearly 5 years of having my best friend as my W, and she isn't there, that's awful to swallow. But, space. Space. Space. Space.

[Dane]

Quit talking to her. When you break down in front of her you are showing how weak you are and unattractive.

John, you need some will power.
Follow the advice you have been given. It is for you to grow, not for her. The point is to grow yourself because that is all you truly can control.

[john28]

Thanks Dane. Today was a good day after I reread alot of the advice here.

I wanted badly to call her at lunch today but I resisted the temptation. When I got home from work I wanted to call her, but resisted. She knows what time I get home everyday, and she called 5 minutes after that.... S4 was on the phone and talking to me. She then picked up the phone, asked about my day and we chatted for 10 minutes about what she did today. I told her I had a meeting tonight and that it would run long. She asked if I could call her when it was over and I said yes.

I called her this evening pretty late, and we talked on the phone for nearly 30 minutes. No R talk! Nothing! We just laughed about things, talked about our day, chit chat, just really good reconnecting. I cued into her tiredness and said that she wanted to start getting ready for bed. Rather than try to keep her on the phone like I've done in the past, I resisted that urge, and just told her to have a good night and sweet dreams. She said ILY and I said it back, and we hung up.

See, she didn't go to bed right away, and i know this because she is on FB chat right now. But, I won't contact her... which is something I would have done in the past.

Will power is right. That's something I have to work on. One day at a time I keep saying. Today, I showed some will power.

[sandi2]

Yeah, it is hard. I don't want to lie to my wife either. I guess we'll just get better with time. Plus, when the W moves out, less of this will be required. She'll just grill my two Ds for info...

Hold on just a minute, guys. Nobody said that DBing teaches to lie to your S. GAL & being mysterous does not imply that you lie to anyone. We are just saying that if you play your cards correctly, you learn how to answer your W without spilling your guts all over the place. Seriously, you need to take lessons from my H. He has never given me a play by play of anything he ever attended.

But neither has he lied to me.

[pinhead]

Yeah, it is hard. I don't want to lie to my wife either. I guess we'll just get better with time. Plus, when the W moves out, less of this will be required. She'll just grill my two Ds for info...

Hold on just a minute, guys. Nobody said that DBing teaches to lie to your S. GAL & being mysterous does not imply that you lie to anyone. We are just saying that if you play your cards correctly, you learn how to answer your W without spilling your guts all over the place. Seriously, you need to take lessons from my H. He has never given me a play by play of anything he ever attended.

But neither has he lied to me.

Chalk a lot of the misunderstandings on this site to relying on text without context! I don't lie to my wife, I've lied maybe 4 times in 13 years. I meant that I don't want to lie to her, that "being mysterious" often crosses the line for me into manipulation.

I guess I'd rather just say I was out. And have the stones to tell her when she asks "where?" "Out having fun."

[john28]

Yeah, it is hard. I don't want to lie to my wife either. I guess we'll just get better with time. Plus, when the W moves out, less of this will be required. She'll just grill my two Ds for info...

Hold on just a minute, guys. Nobody said that DBing teaches to lie to your S. GAL & being mysterous does not imply that you lie to anyone. We are just saying that if you play your cards correctly, you learn how to answer your W without spilling your guts all over the place. Seriously, you need to take lessons from my H. He has never given me a play by play of anything he ever attended.

But neither has he lied to me.

Chalk a lot of the misunderstandings on this site to relying on text without context! I don't lie to my wife, I've lied maybe 4 times in 13 years. I meant that I don't want to lie to her, that "being mysterious" often crosses the line for me into manipulation.

I guess I'd rather just say I was out. And have the stones to tell her when she asks "where?" "Out having fun."

I'm right there with you pinhead. I've been an open book always and any amount of mystery seems like deception on my part. Not telling the whole truth is lying in my opinion.