smm - I read through your posts and the problem I am having is I don't sense your conviction. What do YOU want to happen here? Here's my two cents on a couple of things.
anniversary - do not buy a card or a gift. If not out of the norm, make dinner. Keep things as status quo as you can. If the day goes well, at the end you can acknowledge it with a "happy anniversary" - if not, don't say anything.
focus - others have commented and it seems to be floating by you. YOU need to focus on YOU. Have your read Divorce Recovery? Your W has a foot out the door. You need to GAL, do 180s and detach. Ultimately, you will end up with an improved relationship or a civil divorce and YOU need to accept either path is ok - because if you are the best YOU can be, the right path will reveal itself.
My H and I too were "compartmentalized" - essentially living different lives under the same roof. Completely distant and detached. We've made great strides, but it started with me accepting his pain, acknowledging it and ignoring my own pain and my own needs. Now I focus on each day and take baby steps forward.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
