I have a question for everyone out there. My anniversary is in 2 weeks. Do I get anything, acknowledge that I remember or anything? I have never forgotten an anniversary but I am not sure how I feelthese days. Some days I want to wait it out and reconcile if possible. Other days I want it over so I can get on with my life. Things have been somewhat better, but not where I want it obviously or I would not be saying this stuff here now. What are some of you out there's breaking points? I do not think I have reached it, but I am kind of curious what some of you think. I think my problem some days is that I would like to have another kid, so I think I am putting time constraint on her to come around and I think that is what has hurt my patience a bit. If Ido not see major change by so and so, kind of crap that may be sabotoging myself. Any thoughts?
I'm compartamentalized, and looking back it was in increasing doses since mid-2007. Today I've been compartamentalized to a co-parent.
Oh, I had a good bachelors day out last Saturday. I danced with 5 females, talked with 15 or more and got 3 phone numbers. Some of the girls put MY hands on their private parts, LOL.
Good stuff and fun. I read another post, in which a man said "It hurts that she wants ANYONE but me"...
Well, I am still trying to not feel the pain of this whole thing. I am taking S to Disney World with my family and W is staying home. We have been getting along very well, like friends though. Anyway it is VERY hot and humid here and we do not have A/C in all of the rooms. My bedroom, used to be ours, and S room. Well we are leaving tomorrow morning and so she decided she is going to sleep on the hardwood floor in S room so it is air conditioned and will not sleep in our bed with me or the floor in our room. I keep getting my hopes up when we get along so well and then this hits me like a bat to the head. Is there still a possibility for us? When we get along so well I just think we are so close and then something like this. I did not react to it, but it hurts in my gut. Right now I think I am going with my plan for waiting to see what she does for our anniversary. I do not expect much but I do expect some acknowledgement. If she does nothing, I think I will at that point ask if she is willing to work on us. If she does then to MC, if not to a lawyer. Or am I making a mistake? I just do not know how long to wait or if I should. I love to be with her and I do love her, but when I have not affection in any way, I really am starting to hurt not being able to have anyone to hold. I have plenty of friends, I want my wife back but I do not know if it is possible. I know I can’t make her come back, but how do I know when she is not going to turn it. I just keep thinking that how can she be so cold intimately and yet we do everything together as a family. She cannot get over her resentment for things I did in the past if we do not work on anything. I just do not get it.
smm - I read through your posts and the problem I am having is I don't sense your conviction. What do YOU want to happen here? Here's my two cents on a couple of things.
anniversary - do not buy a card or a gift. If not out of the norm, make dinner. Keep things as status quo as you can. If the day goes well, at the end you can acknowledge it with a "happy anniversary" - if not, don't say anything.
focus - others have commented and it seems to be floating by you. YOU need to focus on YOU. Have your read Divorce Recovery? Your W has a foot out the door. You need to GAL, do 180s and detach. Ultimately, you will end up with an improved relationship or a civil divorce and YOU need to accept either path is ok - because if you are the best YOU can be, the right path will reveal itself.
My H and I too were "compartmentalized" - essentially living different lives under the same roof. Completely distant and detached. We've made great strides, but it started with me accepting his pain, acknowledging it and ignoring my own pain and my own needs. Now I focus on each day and take baby steps forward.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
