Once you've done those things, it's time to move on to actually BEING the better option, and working on your GAL stuff just for YOURSELF, regardless of what your spouse decides to do.
Thanks, PDT. I was trying to do them simultaneously and couldn't figure out why my GAL'ing and/or 180's seemed so slow in coming. I now see the 'crossed-purposes"
Originally Posted By: Puppy
I think part of the problem for us guys is, CD, that we are SO "solution-focused," such "fixers" and "doers," that we greatly overestimate our ability to fix the problem if we do summon up the courage to do the things in the Confront-and-Expose phase.
No contest. GUILTY AS CHARGED!!
Originally Posted By: Puppy
Even if we execute them PERFECTLY (and I agree, you've done really well), this is STILL our wayward spouse's decision, and the scary truth is, we really cannot control them ONE WHIT.
Again, thanks for the kind words. I nned to recognize that the world of R's is NOT "cause and effect". I can "cause" a change in MY life but that doesn't preclude that it will have the desired or ANY effect on HER life.
I really liked MWD's line about how one person can change "the dance". But it is oversimplified. The other person can choose to simply continue the "old dance"; choose "not to dance" anymore; or "change partners"
But that also doesn't mean that I can't continue the "new dance" I decided on or that I have to do what she is doing. I'm happy. Still dancing.
