Just got done a 45 min power walk and 30 min of yoga and crunches. And that's on top of 4 hours of shopping earlier!!!
Strange thing...
Several (in fact most) of the things I bought today were for CJ for Christmas. I felt good buying them, I know he'll love them...but then when I got home, there was a misunderstanding about dinner (I thought he'd bought the ingreds yesterday...it was after 7 when I got home...we made do).
And I felt kind of...let down...and this isn't my typical response to shopping, I'm a careful shopper...quality and a good bargains or it's no deal...I usually feel really good about all of my purchases.
Then I figured it out...Gift Giving (one of my LL's) was something CJ used to be good at, was good with OW )...but has been nothing short of negligent about with me over the years. After thoughts, last minute grabs, or stuff I'd told him I wanted.
I have a pattern of being let down by his efforts at gift giving. Although I am gracious, I'm sure this doesn't exactly encourage his efforts.
But as it stands he hasn't bought me a gift about 18 months. That's a Christmas, two birthdays, an anniversary, (I don't thing the 10-year I picked out myself during his A counts? do you? ) two Valentine's Days...
So I need to pull back and detach from that nonsense. And really, we've stopped sharing gifts with friends (it was getting to be too much), siblings, now this year even my folks. We've never been a very materialistic famiy, one year we traded getting gifts for a family road trip.
But for some reason with CJ it just bothers me that he WAS so thoughtful (the yin and yang/interwined serpents antique pin for our one month anniversary! )
And apparently still had it in him a year ago when he bought her a diamond ring...
Oh crap...enough with the pity party!!! It's all those freakin' diamond commercials!!!
It was a loverly shopping day, not too crowded. I found two wonderful bras that fit marvelously (okay, okay I had to go up to a 38 D ), some undies to match. Dark black jeans, and the gifts for CJ (won't mention details...who knows he MIGHT decide to look in one day )
Hard to feel down with the post work out "feel good" juice still flowin'!
How could I have forgotten to post this big positive???
I unloaded all of my bags into the trunk of my car at Walmart. Pushed the cart up into a stack of others out of the way. Drove off to the jean store (luckily within the same complex) only to realize....NO PURSE!!!
I zipped back to my parking spot, got out, looked around...the stray carts were all picked up!!!
I ran to the doors (of course I'd parked quite a ways out for the extra pedometer count) in time to see my purse floating on the top of the parade of carts through the cart door. I ran up and said "I see you have something of mine" to the young man leading the carts in...and that was that.
I had JUST taken out $60 at the till, everything was intact.
How ironic...I'd just bought a new purse there as I'd slammed the old one in the car door and broke the strap.
Shiny
(I REALLY shouldn't push my luck so as this is the THIRD time I've done this, with the same result!)
Interesting insights on the gift giving/getting. I agree with not getting too mired in it but I'm wondering if it couldn't be a springboard for you guys to get some of the positives in that area back...
Maybe CJ feels unsure of himself re. giving gifts to you now -- a la -- how can I give a gift that undoes what I did?
dunno (obviously) just idle speculation...
what about the SMALL things -- not gifts per se -- but the "I picked this up for you" kind of stuff (drugstore stuff, something from a gumball machine, whatever) -- something that might not normally be construed as a "gift" -- is he doing those? are you noticing and appreciating?
what I'm getting at in my wonderfully long winded way is do you think that building cj's confidence about the BIG things by noticing the SMALL things might work?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hi there Shiny ... You got me thinking how on Christmas Eve CAW's side of the family gathers and exchanges gifts. Now the kids get all kinds of toys, but the adults use to exchange envelopes of money, which always cracked me up. Finally, one of them realized all they were doing was playing "musical" paper money, so then dropped it and now we just focus on the kids.
Gifts, was always one of CAW's strongest LL. One were over the years, I guess I would consistantly disappoint her. I mean I would alway look gift giving as being pratical rather than lavish. Instead of jewerly, I would give her a bathrobes and slippers. CD's rather books, because CD's you listen to over and over, where a book gets read once then sits on a shelf. A Timex watch vs. one from a jeweler. Get the idea? After a while, CAW stopped telling me what she wanted. When I asked, she always answers now "Nothing". Now last year was easy, because I had a backlog of things she asked for over the years, but now that I've gone thru that list ... I'm drawing a blank for the most part.
Another facet of this which has hurt lately, is CAW was big into gift giving until recently. Last year for Father's Day which was just a couple of weeks after she decided to "try", she gave me a 5 disc DVD player ... for my birthday, I had gotten a in-dash CD player for my truck, etc... This year ... Father's Day ... birthday ... Anniversary ... NOTHING ... not even a card.
She's already told me she not shopping for Christmas, so don't get her anything. I told her "Too late.", as I had already picked up the last item on that backlog list.
I already know, I'm gonna have to go into this holiday season with absolutely no expectation this year! ... but on the bright side, then it won't take much for me to be pleasantly surprise if she does decide to make an effort.
I had to laugh Shiny ... you'll annouce to the world! your bra size but won't even give us a hint about what you're gettin' CJ this year, not even a little one?
... and about the purse ... I don't think that's quite what is meant by ... "keep doin' what works"
Overall, Shiny you sound really good ... keep spreading the cheer ... there's a few of us here that are soaking it in.
Quote: I had to laugh Shiny ... you'll annouce to the world! your bra size but won't even give us a hint about what you're gettin' CJ this year, not even a little one?
I'm glad you mentioned the irony. I was going to say something myself because it sure made me giggle!
Quote: Overall, Shiny you sound really good ... keep spreading the cheer ... there's a few of us here that are soaking it in.
What can I say?? I can be, um, a little too open with personal information sometimes?
HI all! Thanks for your posts!
Sage...interesting...actually the only "gift-like" things CJ has done a few times this year is to pick up a small bouquet of flowers from the grocery story for me (after a "talk" or such).
I DO make a fuss, thank him, arrange them just so....smell them often, comment on their beauty.
Other than that, he really doesn't get stuff for me unless it's on a list I give him...toiletries and such.
I figured out another element to my mood yesterday. CJ's been "working on" our out doors icicle lights for a few weeks now. I asked him a week ago if I could turn them on (since it's Dec and there's snow), but there are some burned out ones....
Driving home last night, all the houses around were lit up, decorated, not ours.
As for the interior decorations...the whole thing is CJ's deal...he takes the stuff out, packs it all carefully away, has the lighting all mapped out....I can't really do anything with it until he brings the stuff up (especially the HEAVY tree).
So I'm struggling with just letting it go...letting HIM bring this up, take initiative, vs saying something.
My mom mentioned a few weeks ago that she's using a little fake predecorated tree this year vs the full sized one...she asked if we were putting up a tree this year...I said I don't know and looked at CJ...he said "yes we are"...Time will tell.
you can either be sad that the decoratings not getting done. let go of it, do some of it yourself without saying anything to cj about it.
I know that if I didn't decorate there would be no decorating at all. I did however let h know that I was trying to figure out how to hang up the lights outside (just bought them so this is the first year for them)..wasn't asking for help but he did say we could do it saturday...now if saturday comes and goes without his help on the lights..I'll just have to come up with somethin myself or get over it.
)...but has been nothing short of negligent about with me over the years. After thoughts, last minute grabs, or stuff I'd told him I wanted.
) two Valentine's Days... 
)
), some undies to match. Dark black jeans, and the gifts for CJ (won't mention details...who knows he MIGHT decide to look in one day 
)
Now last year was easy, because I had a backlog of things she asked for over the years, but now that I've gone thru that list ... I'm drawing a blank for the most part.
