Long Distance Issues.....Possible WAW

[pinhead]

As Yoda once said,

"Control, control! You must learn control!"

She's pushing your buttons using that account. Don't think she doesn't know exactly what it's doing to you.

[Dazed&Confused]

Thanks guys. Deep down I know what she is doing, but I haven't got "angry" during this whole process. It's almost like she wants me to. My insides are telling me that this is your chance.

Tell her that she should be using this account for who ever else she wants to let know she will be/is single soon. Not me. I am her husband, and that if she wants any communication with me, it not be thru that email!

No, I am not going to say this to her, but damn it feels good! That is why this place is a life send. People who can relate, give good advice, and listen. Thanks again for being there!

GoG8trz

[Dazed&Confused]

Oh wow...I forgot that I put in for that name change! I was paranoid that the wife would find this after seeing the line item in my bank account.

Well, she emailed again today, but from the married account this time. Guess what she asked for? Money!

Absolutely drives me insane. I am working on getting the mortgage and car payment moved to my account. After that happens, I am changing my allotment. I am not even going to mention it. She can ask if she wants to know, but deep down I know she will already have the answer.

She is going back to work full time, and there is no need for me to continue giving her everything thing that she asks for. So far three emails, no response. Lets see how she handles this one.....

[Dazed&Confused]

Alright, another update. I have gotten two more text's today. Knowing that she "wants" something makes this whole going dark thing a little easier.

I am making a mental not to myself, so I can remember this. If just keep on telling myself that she only wants to contact me for some personal need, I might get good at this!

It's going to be hard once school starts though. I don't see a way around not having to talk to her when I want to talk to my son. That and I can only go so long without seeing my baby girl on Skype.

That is why this is so confusing sometimes. I never really knew how much two little kids could complicate things. Why isn't it complicated for her?

Well, thanks for listening......

[Dazed&Confused]

Well, I decided that I can't just leave her hanging without any money. I transferred her some, and just sent her a one line email stating so.

She responded with a few more emails regarding my truck battery and our lawn mower. I left them alone. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, this is not easy. I miss talking to her everyday. I miss that very bad. She has got to know its hard for me to talk to her right now. Why does she continue to email me everyday? Is she looking for me to make her feel better about her decision?

I just don't understand, and I probably will never be able to. That is the hardest part for me. I still cannot believe that it has only been 9 days since the bomb. It feels so long ago!

[Dazed&Confused]

Since my sitch started, I have been trying to come up with some goals. Most of them have been of the personal nature, i.e. going to the gym, eating right, PMA, ect.

I now want to try and work on some family oriented goals. At the top of my list is getting a handle on our finances. My wife has always done this, and to be honest I do not know a lot about them. At the moment, most of our bills are paid through our joint account. Starting today, I am moving our mortgage, car payment, my credit card, and insurance to my account. We don't have any joint credit cards that I am aware of. (i am in the process of getting my credit report.) So the only other bills should be utilities and her cell phone.

I want to ask her about these bills, who's name they are in, how much they are, ect.; but I want to do it the right way. I don't want her to feel like she is being "punished" or that I am giving up on her. It is just one of those responsibilities that I have always neglected, and I really need to get a handle on them if I am going to be alone. I also need to protect myself to some degree. There is nothing preventing her from spending it before the money is pulled from our account. With them being in my name, I would like some protection from that. Does this make sense?

I think this will also help me see what she needs from me as far support while I am gone. I just feel conflicted about it because I do not want to send the wrong message. Has anyone been through this or have any good advice on how I should approach it?

My last question regards detaching and GAL. I think I am doing ok at GAL. Atleast the best I can where I am at. The problem is detaching. How does one detach from his wife if he is 8000 miles away? I can't get more separated physically. I know it involves more than that, but I have to call her to talk to my son and I have to set up Skype time to see my daughter. What is the best approach here?

I have been remaining upbeat on the phone with her, but other than that, I am lost. I don't answer every email or text, and when I do it is short and to the point, but is that right? I am just struggling with this right now.

[Dazed&Confused]

Well, I got all of my finances in order and changed my direct deposit to the wife. There was no difference in her spendable money, all I did was remove the auto bill ones, but I do not think it went over well.

After our conversation, she sent me an email to let me know that she is going in for a free consulation. Looks like me moving forward, made her move forward. She wants to know if I have any questions for him. What am I supposed to do about this? I need some help/advice.

Thanks!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She was already moving forward.

No, you don't have any questions for him, as you are getting your own advice on your end. Just tell her "I understand; we each need to do what we feel we must in order to protect our own interests. No, no questions at this point."

Puppy

[Dazed&Confused]

Im just scared to death right now. I thought that she was going to do mediation and we would sit down and hammer out a parenting plan, ect.

We never talked about going to see lawyer right off the bat. What i am supposed to think? What is the normal process regarding this anyways? Can someone give me like a normal timeline or something.

This has got me freaked out!

[Dazed&Confused]

You are right Puppy. I left it as this....
"I understand. We each need to do what we feel we must do. I don't have any questions."

It looks like I am entering the difficult time. I always have the tendacy to blame myself, so naturally, this all happened because I had the finance talk with her.

It's almost like she got her second wind, and is now all about moving as fast as she can. I am waiting for this damned lawyer to get back with me so I know what I am looking at. God I hate not nowing.....