1) Make every attempt possible to separate the addict from the source of their addiction;
2) Understand the truth of what's really going on, so that you can deal with it accordingly;
3) Give OP's spouse the same opportunity to know and deal with the TRUTH as you have;
4) Establish grounds for a possible legal action, if yours is a "fault" state for divorce, and/or give you guidance for whether or not you want to fight for custody of your kids;
5) Identify if there are any immediate threats to the family (legal/financial, any possible drug/alcohol/gambling addictions, for example) so you can protect you and your children accordingly.
6) Identify what OP is providing emotionally to your spouse, so you can factor that into your "bet the better option" plan.
Once you've done those things, it's time to move on to actually BEING the better option, and working on your GAL stuff just for YOURSELF, regardless of what your spouse decides to do.
I think part of the problem for us guys is, CD, that we are SO "solution-focused," such "fixers" and "doers," that we greatly overestimate our ability to fix the problem if we do summon up the courage to do the things in the Confront-and-Expose phase. Even if we execute them PERFECTLY (and I agree, you've done really well), this is STILL our wayward spouse's decision, and the scary truth is, we really cannot control them ONE WHIT.
