There really isn't much to say. We continue to have a R without really having a R. Does that make any sense? We don't talk about anything of importance. What are we doing? Where do we want this to go? Is this just for fun and giggles? Etc.
I don't ask, that is my problem. In the past, when I have asked a question of him regarding us he gets angry and upset, thinks I'm trying to accuse him of something or that I'm being overly emotional and then takes off or goes to the couch to sleep. Those are his issues. I'm tired of being the only one who wants to know what this is that we are doing but I'm also tired of being scared of his reaction. Like I keep telling myself, what's the worst that he can do? Leave? Like that matters! Been there, done that.......SEVERAL TIMES!
The other day he was talking to someone on the phone asking a question about the computer and he told him to talk to 'his wife' about it. That sounded wonderful and horrible all at the same time. Of course, it's a reflex action. I'm not delusional (most of the time!) but it made me wonder again what the heck he thinks of me as. Why he is there. Is this just cake eating from him until the next big adventure comes along? I need answers but I don't know how to get them without making a mess of things. I'm really not capable of voicing my feelings so that he hears them. Maybe that's not right. It's more like he's not capable of hearing them without thinking I'm blaming or criticizing, or trying to back him into a corner even when I'm making sure to only use I statements and no absolutes.
What to do, what to do.....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
