I've been thinking, and just how do you show acceptance other than what I've already been doing?
1) I don't talk to her 2) I don't pursue 3) I don't talk to her parents 4) I am doing ALOT of things and GAL-ing
However SHE THINKS because I am/have NOT:
1) Wanting to sell the house 2) ACTIVELY working with her on the divorce 3) Communicating with her lawyer 4) Filed a notice of representation for myself with the court 5) Sent back in the papers that I was served
That I am clinging on desperately or in the "anger stage". I don't think she gets I am working a strategy here, and she thinks I am stalling to no end. Her lawyer hired a process server to re-serve me, which ought to be fun.
She keeps saying (and the FC said this too) "Your actions communicate so much more than your words, and what you are doing says so much to me right now about what kind of person you are".
She REFUSES to see or doesn't recognize that I am just not pursuing her, and that what I am doing is for my OWN interests. She can't seem to see past her own divorce papers, and desperately needs me to validate her desire to divorce.
For me, doing all this just means I don't want to work with a woman out of control, and doing very unhealthy and vindictive things. I will do things in MY OWN time, and that are BEST FOR ME.
I know she is gonna corner me sometime today or tomorrow about selling the house.
In the past, I have played it sort of like a "Hollywood producer", very short, carefree sort of attitude. Like I once said:
"Yeah, well. It's hard to say, but that's a big decision, and I don't have time to talk about it now. I'm late and I gotta jet. We'll have to do this another time, and I'll let you know when I can talk. Ok? Awesome...."
And wow that pisses her off. But I think I need a slightly different approach, because she is NOT getting it.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
According to the lawyer I consulted you aren't supposed to be harassing me or pressuring me to move out of my home. This is my home and if you want me to move you get a lawyer to move me.
Good bye
I get why you don't want to move, I support that 100%. Her mind reading is quite ignorant... That lousy FT is probably the one who got her on that track. I still think you should report that FT for tag teaming you in her office.
The problem is the same one most waywards have... they think the world revolves around them : any move you make, any thing you say or do they will put into context of their choices... You can see even LBS' start doing this early on as well. They agonize over every action they make and analyze every action their WS takes in order to find a connection.
No one is 100% of someone else's life... Its a ridiculous and unhealthy activity.
I can't imagine anything you do right now is going to convince her that you are over her... Even if you pushed for divorce right now she would suspect its a ploy of some sort and think you still are "in love" with her...
Right now she is convincing herself that every man wants her... and chats them up to validate... In this context you aren't any different from the other men she's talking to. She is so damn insecure every man she talks to has to be in love with her including you...
What you could do that may throw a surprise on her is to move her stuff out ahead of her... Which is something i suggested earlier.
Be in a HURRY to get her things out of the house.. That still supports you moving in your own good time while showing her you don't want her around.
Ya know, you playing hard to get just might be the ace in teh hole here.. SHe's thoroughly convinced herself she's a prize and has you whipped...
You taking actions to show you don't WANT her around may just throw a curve ball at her she's not ready to handle...
The problem is the same one most waywards have... they think the world revolves around them : any move you make, any thing you say or do they will put into context of their choices...
Ya know, you playing hard to get just might be the ace in teh hole here.. SHe's thoroughly convinced herself she's a prize and has you whipped...
You taking actions to show you don't WANT her around may just throw a curve ball at her she's not ready to handle...
All true! She's acting like a little narcissist right now (don't they all?). Move her stuff out like she's yesterday's news and she will NOT be able to deal with it!
Your funny. If the man wanted to attack the narcissism itself, he would have to know what feeds it. So he would have to make a model of her narcissist persona, what feeds it, and do what he needs to to take away each of the sources.
