Another sad story

[LRT Land]

pinhead - see if you can find a therapist who does "internal family systems." A friend of mine tried it and she and her H (he had an affair and other issues) are still together several years later. I was considering it as we have been to 3 MC and I really don't think any of them helped "the marriage" thought the last helped me deal with some of H's traits. My friends therapist gave them exercises to do at home which none of ours did.

There is also a section in DR on finding the right therapist.

My H and I were extremely detached before the big blowup. I feel closer to him now than I have for a long time, so it is possible for that to turn around. The harder part, which we all know, is sustaining it. It really takes persistant vigilence.

fyi - my friend's therapist also suggested they separate for a while (they have 2 kids) and only see each other once a week for about 6 weeks, then they started a date night, then he moved back in after a few months.

I was fortunate enough to have dated a long time before marriage, so I know no R is perfect or problem free. It's more about what problems do you want to deal with? So I did have to set some very firm boundaries the first couple of years, and then life and the usual drama caused distance (and the ssm which I felt like I was the only one trying to fix even though it wasn't the first thing on my mind). So here we are - and I still don't know where here is but I"m going with the flow for now.