Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 13 1 2 3 12 13
#2048920 08/01/10 10:33 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
i have been lurking here reading the stories for awhiliout , now i would like to share mine. I had an PA before the wife and I had been married. She didnt not find out until a month before our wedding. He have been together since 1991. Dated in highschool. We where married in 2000. in 2006 i had another affair that lasted several months. During this time i got into "adult" chatting online...etc and got into legal trouble for that. She left shortly after. We where seperated for about 6months. She decided to come back. She went to several therapy sessions over a summer, but then stopped. I thought everything was fine. That was 2007. Flashforward to april 2010. She said she was starting to go to MC by herself. I could tell something was wrong. She would not open until i finally pushed the issue, and she said she was depressed and started medication. Last week when I got home from a work trip trip i could tell something was wrong. she had said she wanted me out. we spent the weekend debating / aruging about what has happened. She said that she had never let go of her anger, and that everything she had done should have started to help her heal. she says that she cannot let go of anything that happened. i said that maybe we didnt work on it enough. Now she just wants me gone. I told her that i didnt know that she had been suffereing that much. I asked why she didnt tell me and she said that she just wanted to cover it up and try to just forget about it. i asked her to go with me to a retrouvaille weekend to help get some better tools to help. all she said was that she she would think about it. Anyone have any advice? this weekend she went to her moms. She said she was going to tell them everything that i did. So i asked why she had not done that before. she said she thought she could do it on her own.....


me 36
W 33
s-6
s-4
together since 1991
married Dec 2000 9years
first affair before we where married.
Second affair 1/2007
Gone Nov,2007
Back June 2008.
ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
Aristotle's argument for the existence of the unmoved mover progresses as follows:

1) There exists movement in the world.
2) Things that move were set into motion by something else.
3) If everything that moves were caused to move by something else, there would be an infinite chain of causes. This can't happen.
4) Thus, there must have been something that caused the first movement.
5) From 3, this first cause cannot itself have been moved.
6) From 4, there must be an unmoved mover.

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
she hasnt moved, so what to do?


me 36
W 33
s-6
s-4
together since 1991
married Dec 2000 9years
first affair before we where married.
Second affair 1/2007
Gone Nov,2007
Back June 2008.
ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,478
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,478
You "didn't know she was suffering so much...?" How would you feel if your W cheated on you multiple times? Would you have trouble trusting her again?

What did you do to show remorse? What have you done to try to make it up to her? Have you ever asked her what she needs from you to heal?

And why was she the only one to go to therapy? Was she made to feel as though your cheating was her fault?

Why in the world would you cheat on her in the first place?

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
i have been going to the threapist for 3 years. she stopped once her job started up again. shes a teacher. I thought things where going ok. she kept everything buried down is what she said. then in april went to a different threapist I asked to go with her and she said no. She dropped the D bomb on me last week. i have lots of excuses for why i cheated, but thats all they are is excuses, and it was 100% my selfish fault.


me 36
W 33
s-6
s-4
together since 1991
married Dec 2000 9years
first affair before we where married.
Second affair 1/2007
Gone Nov,2007
Back June 2008.
ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,478
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,478
I'm glad you did some work to try to make things right. A lot of spouses gaslight the other to assuage their guilt.

I hope you guys can turn this around.

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
i dont see it getting turned around...she says she feels that she is at the end of her rope. Believes what she has done should have help her even a little bit.


me 36
W 33
s-6
s-4
together since 1991
married Dec 2000 9years
first affair before we where married.
Second affair 1/2007
Gone Nov,2007
Back June 2008.
ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
she has asked i leave the house for awhile, should I? 4months or so, but will not committ to going to MC or retrouvaille...etc

Last edited by didthehurt; 08/02/10 04:59 PM.

me 36
W 33
s-6
s-4
together since 1991
married Dec 2000 9years
first affair before we where married.
Second affair 1/2007
Gone Nov,2007
Back June 2008.
ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 768
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 768
If you want this M, you do not leave the house. Period.


----"Et tu, Brute?"----
me:28 W:24 S4
T:6
M:4
EA Exposed: 5/21/10
Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day)
NC w/ OM: 7/10/10
W moved out 8/21/10
http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 89
She's if I stay she will file if she has to. Says she wants space that I cause to much stress just being there.


me 36
W 33
s-6
s-4
together since 1991
married Dec 2000 9years
first affair before we where married.
Second affair 1/2007
Gone Nov,2007
Back June 2008.
ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Page 1 of 13 1 2 3 12 13

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5