Just try and think of it as her having resigned from the job of W, and this is her payout. It won't be forever. Just hope for 5 years. I, on the hand, will probably have the benefit of my H's hard work until I die. I wish it weren't that way, because I want true freedom, which includes financial freedom (and I will try and get it, but I have to be realistic). We've been married a long time, and he moved me away from a place where I had a good job, and not likely to get any here. There is more stuff involved, but won't bore you with details. Just be glad that you won't have to pay her for the rest of her life.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks BeingMe, but it feels more like I am being fired from the job of H rather than her resigning.
As part of her blow-up, when she told me all about what I hadn't done, I brought up the fact that I had been working so much that I didn't have time to do a lot, she told me "I don't care about the money!" She also told me that she wasn't going to try to rake me over the coals on this deal, but that's when she thought she would have primary placement of the kids and a FAT child support payment. I suppose when we get to mediation I can remind her of those statements and hope that they are still true.
I don't understand why, if she is the one who wants to end the relationship, she should continue to benefit as if she were still in the relationship. I could maybe see it if I were the one Ding her, but this seems ridiculous. She got to do everything she wanted to do in terms of major life decisions. Why is the $ the only consideration of the court?
I asked my atty if I would benefit by my STBX coming over to clean the house or have sex, which would be the benefits I would get if I were still in the relationship and she said "You are such a man!" She also told me "There is no justice in that courtroom, so don't expect any." These are questions I would like to ask the judge, but I will keep my mouth shut and let my attorney do all the talking.
If this is going to be the deal, then I don't think either of us will be able to stay in the house and neither will have money for a downpayment on a nice place to live. She is going to take us both to financial ruin from what we are accustomed to. That ought to make her happy. Sorry to sound so bitter, but we have worked so hard to get to where we are today it just blows my mind that it is going to all be thrown away.
Hopefully we can work it out in mediation, but if not, maybe I'll have to take my chances with the judge.
Anybody know how to find a judge's previous ruling history? I'll have to remember to ask my atty that one today.
your attorney should have agood idea of how a Judge rules in civil cases. If the attorney has handled many D cases in your county or district. Most judicial records can be found online, but usually with civil cases the details are not there. Just a ruling and how it is disposed,
It's TOTAL BS! Don't expect justice. In a court room? This whole thing is messed up!
So, to summerize, the WAS can hose our entire life, Hose the kids, hose our faith and our self esteem, hose everything we believed was good and right in the world. They can be selfish, cowardly jackasses. They can, by their independant actions, lower the level of economic living standards for an entire group of people, most importantly for their own innocent children. And if they are lucky enough to be leaving a spouse that makes significantly more money than them, the JUSTICE system will reward them financially for being destructive and stupid. And by default, they will punish the one person who is trying to prevent this from happening.
No fault D is a stain.
Sorry man. I know as your pal I should be spouting calming words of encouragement right now. It's just that I'm pissed off for you.
My real hope is that eventually some of the realities will start sinking in and your W (and mine and all the others. H's included) will pull her head out and see what she's risking for some stupid pipe dream. You know, some days I think living in the woods like Kazinsky would make me happy, but then I pull MY head out and think of all I would have to give up, all the hardships I'd have to endure and everyone I would hurt by "dropping off the grid". So I don't make that stupid decision because I'm not a dumbass (most of the time anyway). It's been an eye-opener to learn that she is.
You've got my Prayers bro.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Definitely check with your atty about the judge's case history. And your wife's atty will only be as much of a bulldog as you W wants. Most courts view a M of less than 10 years as a "short-term" M and try to restore equilibrium to the parties.
You should also be aware that your atty can help to speed things up or slow things down at your request.
If you can work out some agreement before you get in front of the judge that is always best as then you have more say in how things turnout as opposed to the judge deciding. Mediation can help because the parties are forced to stay in a room for long periods of time often until agreement is reached - or not.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
So I saw the atty today and have good news and bad news.
The good news is that the numbers she gave me were based on W only working part-time. she thinks the court will make her work full-time eventually, which will cause the payments to go down. Thank the Lord!
the bad news is that while I was at her office, she called W's attorney to find out if she had any proposals for the Temporary Order, such as income/bill sharing and living arrangements. Unless she was just bluffing my atty, she said that my W has no interest in living together throughout this process and will try to have me removed from the house. This is contrary to what she originally told me, but maybe the three week delay had an impact on her decision. Don't know.
Interestingly, even with the ridiculous amounts I would have to pay W based on her working part-time, it doesn't appear she would be able to afford the mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, etc. that it takes to live in the house.
Therefore, my attorney is going to recommend that I get 60% of the income, W gets 40% of the income (combined income) and I stay in the house and assume all of the bills. I think that will be tight, but I may be able to swing that with some tough belt tightening.
I asked if she thought I would get removed from the house and she said she thought that I might. I guess we will find out tomorrow morning. If that actually happens, I may be pushed beyond any chance of reconciliation with W. I just don't know. I do know that I will be very upset and very pissed-off though.
First, it is healthy to cry, just not in front of W.....Emotional release is very good for you.....Stuffed emotions need to come out.
Second, It always comes down to money. The lawyer want it, your X wants it. Understand how the lawyers can play you and wife against each other to get more money from you......
Lastly, I hope you are enjoying your kids and your new found freedom....and new friends....
I wish you well during this difficult time of your life. I would not agree to the 50/50 split. I would negotiate other payment arrangements and have the mindset "Only if a judge orders me to....."
Stay strong, do work
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Sorry to here all this; I hope things will get better!! Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Durring the tough times I think of my S and sometimes it seems to help!!
Hey I got out of the house and we really don’t talk much, but I couldn't tell you if it has done anything for us? She is stubborn just like me and hard to read even though we know each other very well..
Last night when she locked herself out of the house and called me to rescue her, she was sad, pouty, & sure she was mad that I had to come by and help her.
In a way I felt bad when I saw her and wanted to just hug her, but instead I just patted her on the shoulder. Although when I left I gently touched her face like I use to & looked in to her eyes and said have a good night.. I probably should have but did.
This stuff is just tough, so who knows if it’s helping or hurting more. Some days lost more than others.
