OK, I know, I know, no relationship talks. But she brought it up. And not only did I validate, but she asked me a lot of questions.
First, there's no affair. None. I am totally convinced.
Second, she's afraid of trying counseling forever, but she hasn't ruled it out. She just needs to know the details, how it'll work, not like our last MC who really wasn't very good. So I'm going to call my pastor in the morning and see if he can recommend a very pro-marriage counselor. I even mentioned Retrouvaille.
The big thing she's scared of is an open-ended commitment to perpetual counseling. So we'll have to set some type of checkpoints to see how things go. I don't want to be in counseling forever, but I also don't want a divorce! I know that my love for his is stronger than ever, but she feels that she's lost that attraction for me.
Can anyone give me some advice? Not the typical DB/DR stuff, but what to ask when looking for a counselor, etc?
She hasn't said yes, but all of our other stuff is kind of on hold. I said we've been the best friends since this all started, something we didn't have when we were dating; that we're listening better than ever, that we are showing concern and compassion better than ever. She agreed to all of this, but she doesn't know how to bring back the spark in our R.
Then we went inside, and while our girls were watching their pre-bedtime show, the W let me give her a massage. She was really wary, and probably expects me to try and jump her bones when I go to bed, but I'm not going to. Baby steps.
Gah, I hate this rollercoaster.
What started it all was that she was talking about our R, and asked me point blank what I wanted. Taking a deep breath, I told her that not only do our two daughters deserve us really trying to mend this, but I do, and she does. That I wanted to be able to tell our daughters in 10 years that we had tried our best.
She said, "Don't you think that it's bad for them to see us unhappy like this?" and I said, I think that seeing us working on our R, seeing that a R needs TLC and hard work, is a better lesson than just throwing our hands up now...
My heart is so heavy. I'm afraid that in the morning she'll say she can't.
