Standing tall for myself--forever & ever, amen.

[beingreal]

No problem Grit... feel free to hijack any time you'd like--the cause is always worthy.



I'm sorry I have not updated this thread. It's been a very difficult couple of weeks & I've spent a lot of time being the target of far too many of H's insane rants, accusations and hostilities. I keep trying to update here, but I usually don't know where to start, or I get dragged away by someone else's problem...

We'll just leave it at hateful, hurtful, demeaning, insane, rambling and vicious. That is how H has been.


Tonight I get a call from him, he wants to explain why he didn't get the kids dinner before my parents picked them up. He didn't need to explain, a simple "The haven't had dinner yet" would have sufficed. But it's his nickel, so okay.

Then he tells me that he is seeing a counselor tomorrow.

There is something wrong with him.

He's been having these "maniac attacks" lately.

He can't sleep.

He flies into rages over nothing.

He needs to figure out what is going on because there is something wrong with him (his words)

Then he apologizes to me...

"I'm sorry for what I've put you through. I'm sorry for what I've done. You didn't deserve it. I'm bad, and I was wrong."


I held back my tears long enough to tell him that he wasn't a bad person, I hoped he got the help he felt he needed, and that I appreciated his telling me (about the kids anyway--the counseling was none of my business, but I'm still glad he told me).

He told me that he'd try to tell my mom about dinner, but, "...she doesn't want anything to do with me. (pause) There's a lot of people feeling the same way lately."

"Well, that's something that you can work on later. Right now *you* should be your priority."




That was today's interaction.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Or the day after. Or the day after that. I don't want to say that I don't think he'll follow through, let's just say that I don't have any expectations from this conversation.



Funny thing is, I do hope he gets help. I do hope he gets better. I hope he does it for himself and not for some anticipated reconciliation. I'd hate for him to lose whatever work he does when that doesn't happen. If in fact he actually does the work, that is.


So that's my update.

As for me, I am...exhausted to the point of being numb.



Tomorrow will be better.