I am so sorry you are having marital problems. You sound very focused and strong to me, keep it going!!
Thank you for the wise words- I am keeping an open mind. Some days I feel "weak", other days I feel somewhat stronger.
I agree with you- we all become much stronger once we start admitting our "flaws", take responsibility for them, incorporate DB into our lives and move forward.
I am aware and have admitted to myself that I am responsible for half the cause of my martial woes. I am no longer angry at myself, I have forgiven myself and my H for the way we destroyed our marriage. It does take two, but one spouse certainly can set a negative tone. Over the years my H and I did everything we could to destroy love and respect, because we never learned how to be friends. Look at how we treat our friends- do we treat our spouses that way? No, we don't- we think we are right, make our points, state our spouse is wrong, our needs come first, rather than doing what strengthens the marriage. I wish I would have found DB 14 years ago. I think it should be read by all couples before they marry. This is my second marriage and I didn't learn a thing the first time around about handling myself in a marriage.
At this point, I am just trying to be the best friend I can, to myself and my H. H is noticing that I have begun changing- he mentioned that I seem happier.He did ask if I was pretending to be happy or was I in denial we were splitting. I smiled and said I am just thinking about things. H had a puzzled look on his face.I then steered the conversation to neutral ground. DB works.
Keep fighting, in a constructive way of course, and continue to be brave every day. Please keep me posted on how you are doing.
One thing I feel is very important for everyone doing DB. If you aren't doing it already, please be sure to keep all DB books, journals, etc, hidden so spouse cannot see them. At this point you don't want spouse to know you are doing DB. I believe they will see it as a trap or ?
