2g I read your post and see the same in so much of what you post. The spooning thing followed by talking about the D. Classic for me and also the don't want to lead you on and I'm done. When you told him he never wanted to change things, that kind of puts it on him that he has messed up. They don't hear that, don't want to believe it and will fight tooth and nail against you about it. DB'ing means saying "Im sorry you feel that way etc. and validating that you know things were not great in out marriage lately." That takes it off of him. Don't admit to failures that you were not part of. I think you are still not at the point of letting him go. It is his horrible journey that he has embarked on. The negativity will be toned down if you get better at DBing. I cringe when I see you wanting to give up because I have been where you are just a few short months ago. You think he is hard headed? I got news for you. My wife would be quite a contender there. There is obvious confusion with him. This is a good thing!! That means he is clearly not DONE! If he was DONE!, he would not be spooning and be so confused. Now since you know the game of "Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do" You can gain strength in knowing that he is wacked right now. Think of this: If you forget everything he says, like DONE, Doesn't want to be with you anymore etc. You are left with the good. Things like spooning etc. They spew and spew and spew. If you keep confusing him, by DBing, you will get better at it and will be able to use the things you learn for the rest of your life no matter who you are with. My wife was at that point your husband is now and I really am sorry you are going through that. I know it is painful. When they bounce back and forth like what you describe, they are so screwed up they don't even realize the mixed signals they are sending. Gather great strength from this!! It tells you loud and clear that they are messed up mentally. If they were totally rational, and your husband is not, then we know we have trouble long term. This takes a lot of time. More than we would think would be necessary. You have to be strong right now and the people here will help you.
