Quote: I can hear him from where I'm sitting and he says "No, I stopped taking them". So when he gets off the phone I ask him when he stopped taking his anti-depressants.
He said after his first appointment with the Psychiatrist he cut back and then off. He hadn't said a WORD about this to me. He'd mentioned the doc advising him to have bloodwork done (liver function), and said he didn't want to be on them forever, but he didn't breathe a word of this plan to go off of them.
Youch! I think we've seen cases where going off the ADs was a bad idea. Did he go off on the doc's advice, or his own desire to be off them?
Quote: I asked him why he didn't tell me and he kind of shuffled around it, he forgot
I didn't call him on it, but I should have. Perhaps I will.
I believe, based on A LOT of previous evidence, that he didn't tell me because he was afraid I wouldn't approve or would make an issue of it, he was afraid of my reaction, so he hid it.....
I'm an expert on this one... Conflict avoidance! I think it may be time for one of those "Honey, I'm very concerned about your going off the meds because of things I've read, and would like to talk to you about it" discussions.
Quote: THIS IS THE SAME OLD PATTERN FOLKS. :
This man has the memory of 10 women, he doesn't "forget" a whole heck of a lot.
What's the same old pattern, the conflict avoidance?
Okay, let's assume it really is conflict avoidance. What does that tell you? It sounds to me like he isn't feeling like he can talk to you about this. That's not necessarily because he's intentionally pulling away - it could be because he hasn't leveled-out now that he's off the meds. What can you do to make the meds discussion "safe" for him? How can you show him he can talk to you about these things?
Quote: Then late last week we get a phone call (machine picks up)..."Hi CJ this is S...my home phone is.....and my work number is....."
I take him the message, ask who it is. He says YOU KNOW S...(she worked in HR at his old job...had given him some leads on jobs at the College). Ok
Good that he told you.
Quote: She calls again tonight from home. I bring the phone to CJ and ask if he's going to return her call (she sounded more urgent this time, as if he hadn't gotten back to her).
He calls her (must have had her home number somewhere in the stack of papers around him, or on his computer??) and from where I'm working in the kitchen I can hear some of his end of the conversation.
Very friendly, but about jobs, gossip, him being a reference for her for a new job opening. Something about a possible job there for him (..."yeah I could do the job, but would I Want to?)
Hard to really know what's going on from the bits and pieces you've heard. Lately, the BB has been littered with false assumptions.
Quote: Some laughter...at one point (I'll whack MYSELF for this one!!!) I would bet that she asked him if he'd had any interesting dreams lately...becaue he kind of chuckled and said ..."No, not lately"...I KNOW, I KNOW that could be in reference to anything.
You've already whacked yourself. I think I can speak for others on the BB in thanking you for keeping us from having to find our 2x4s.
Why do you think that was what she asked?
Quote: But clearly she knows about the course he's in...he mentioned being busy with it, but not describing it as he would to someone who didn't know what he was up to.
Sounds like they've already spoken to each other. We don't know what all was said, or if they've already spoken about the job leads, etc.
Quote: I guess after what I felt like a lie of ommission about his meds, this "friendly chat" just got my back up.
And when I asked him what the call was about all he said (at first) was that she asked him for a reference. (They spoke for about 10 minutes).
Sounds like more conflict avoidance. Could be that he's taking a "male" view, and feels like that was the only thing of substance discussed.
Quote: He asked if I was OK later (i guess I was quiet?) and for some reason I said "yeah, just thinking about what I want to do"...which was partially true. So I did most of the recycling...but then CJ came up and finished it. Like trying to make amends or something?
More conflict avoidance, but shoe on other foot. Sounds like he realizes you're upset, and was trying to "fix" it.
Quote: Now do I bring any of this up? If I had to choose it would be the meds issue...
Shiny
Hmmmmmm. I'd vote a slightly reserved yes. With him being off the meds, I'd try to choose a time when he's in a good mood and receptive so you have better odds of a constructive discussion. I'd recommend keeping the discussion short, voicing your concerns and reasoning without blaming or being judgemental, and finding something positive to soften it with.
Disclaimer: I really suck at communications, so you should probably seek some advice from other people as well.
