So, I put down a deposit on an apartment. I was not planning to do it right now, but I did (which is very unusual for me- it takes me a long time to make big decisions). I have been looking since May, but am very reluctant to take this final step. For reasons too complicated to go into here, even though I didn't want a D, I am the one who has to move out - but that feels like I'm the one giving up on the M. I see no signs he's willing to accept responsibility for his part, forgive me anytime soon (b/c I'm blamed for everything), or be nicer to me, willing to work on things, etc. So I'm reluctantly having to move forward as I don't want to be in limbo forever.
The Apt isn't avail for 6 more weeks so I have that time to still live with him (which is what I'm afraid of missing- I know we'll never live together again once I leave). But I'm freaking out a bit. I mean, it was getting exhausting to look at one place after another and it was becoming just an endless job to check out EVERY possible apt in the area. This one even takes my pets if I want to bring them. It's fairly close to school and H and in an area I'm familiar with, though not as nice as our regular neighborhood. I'm not feeling excited. I am wondering if I should've kept looking for a couple months (this is typical of my agonizing over decisions, btw). I hadn't meant to commit to anything this soon, but this place was one of the few at the top of my list- not my #1 choice, but my #1 had NO guest parking at all- I mean, not any within blocks. And one thing (there aren't many) I'm looking forward to is having people over, dinner parties, etc. w/out H there. So it seemed good to have a place w/parking... But I usually move very slowly on decisions and this was sudden b/c I wasn't planning on doing it right now. But then again, another apt may not come up- they didn't have any they knew of opening after Sept and even if they did, it might not be one I could afford, etc. anyway.
I have to sign the lease soon and I'm scared. I'm scared of how we tell our young daughter, of making the final step in moving out when it wasn't what I wanted... OTOH, had a convo w/H yesterday and was reminded AGAIN that I will, sadly, always be blamed for everything, I "did this" to him, etc. I just sat there and took it b/c there's no point in arguing. And it was exhausting. And still, I'm reluctant to go... esp since I don't HAVE to right now- I have 3-4 more months before our hard stop where I have to find another place.
I really think we need to get custody and other stuff lined up before I move. I want to consult someone about co-parenting, etc. but H says he does not want to see anyone to help us do a co-parenting agreement and thinks we can "figure it all out" on our own- schedules, how to tell D, etc, which worries me. I want professional advice on this and don't trust him to not say something totally wrong or inappropriate to her.
I don't know how far in advance to prepare her either. She's preschool age and doesn't have a good concept of time. I don't know what to say or anything. I can go see someone myself, but H may not take that advice if he doesn't hear it directly. I've got some books about it, but he never reads anything. I'm willing to put in the work and do it all just to get things right for her, though. That's more important to me than who does what.
Anyone with little kids out there want to share how they told them, or if you got professional advice, what they said you should do??
Anyone else stuck in this "I need to move on, but this wasn't what I wanted and now *I'm* the one leaving b/c I can't stand the limbo anymore"??
