H told me 2 weeks ago we were dead as a couple, didn't love each other, were no longer friends, didn't have any intimacy, he had lost hope, etcetcetc, that he wanted to split up. We have been married 14 years, trouble off and on, mostly never learning how to respect each other, fighting the same old battles over and over. ME being angry ALOT. Add in stepdaughter and his family issues to the existing problems and it's quite a boiling kettle of woe. When H dropped the bomb, I pleaded, cried, begged, yelled. I could see that H just got more set in his decision, and became colder. I felt shamed and weak that I reacted that way and the next morning decided to woman up and get busy changing myself and how I responded to this whole situation.
I found DB and it really helps. It helps us to calmly approach what is happening so we can recognize our own behaviors. Until we do this we cannot either repair the damage to our marriages or end up divorced with dignity.THIS is important. Please don't ever lose sight that one must always preserve their dignity.
I have seen H show some positive signs to my changes-I am being calm, happy, positive, asking NO questions, smiling, etc. Not sure of my future, still believe we will separate, then divorce at some point as H is is a retired engineer and once engineers make up their minds about something, they usually don't change course.
I am taking things one day at a time.It's hard, and some days I feel hopeless, other days I feel like I am conquering the world!
Thanks everyone, I have been reading the posts and they are very helpful.
