Seperated But Living Together

[seeking answers]

Oh honey, I can guarantee he/she has heard a lot worse stories. The office might be able to help put you in touch with a support group geared to your sitch.

You don't have to go into great detail but explaining your sitch to the Dr. will help them monitor your preganancy better.

Of course up to you...

[ericmsant2]

2G

First off I am sooooo sorry that you are going through this and have been for 2 years.

What I see in your post as clear as day is FEAR. Your afraid honey and many of us get it. You will have 2 children and a newborn to deal with while your H is off in lala land.

You keep fighting for you M..that much I can tell. What I do not see is a STRONG 2G. I missed that in all of your post. Where is this women? Where is the strong 2G. Ohh...I know where she is. She is inside of YOU and wants to come out but you keep holding on for dear life to someone who right now if totally f'd up in the head. Sorry to say.

Earlier in your post you discussed how you focused on being a mom and let something go by the wayside. Maybe this course of action did not help back then BUT it would help now. Right now you need to be the strong Mom that I know you are. Hell you have dealt with this for 2 years you have to be strong.

So...focus on you, your girls and your baby. F your husband right now. Now is time for you to face your fears and then take the biggest step that I have not seen you take...that is....let go.

Let go, cry, scream but try as much as you can to stay calm for the sake of your baby.

I hate to say it to you but right now your H is a selfish, self center prick who can only think about himself. He is sooo scared of looking in the mirror. He wants to blame everything on you and he has you believing this sh*t. I say stand up girl..I say cut off communication with your H - if not for you then for you baby.

At the rate you are going you are going to end up sick yourself which benefits no one. Yeah you may think that he will coming rushing to your bed side if you are sick. Guess what if he does he will look at it as manipulation.

You have show love, fear and anger to your husband. Now is the time to show him your strength. Now is the time for 2G.. Now is YOUR time girl.

I believe in all of my heart that you 2G can do this...so what is this? This...is letting go. This is finally standing up for yourself and accepting that you cannot control another.

I know you can do it...you just need to face that fear...look it right in the f'in eye and say "I will not be defeated", "I will not be beaten" - not TODAY and NOT EVER....

Show your girls what a really women is made of. Show them that you can love someone and still let go. Show them...you 2G.

God Bless,
Eric

[Truegritter]

2BA

I see you didn't answer my question.

That's ok it is for you anyway.

Look why I asked it is not because I am another insensitive man (I may be on occasion but this is not one of them)

YOU made a decision when you decided to keep your pregnancy.

What I want you to do is dig for the "why"

I am betting

That it was based in what you believe.

I am betting

That you went through all sorts of what if's

What if H leaves? ( A very real possibility)

What if ______?

And you still made this choice.

Why?

There is a strength in you that you do not see.

That you cannot reach now when you need it most.

Your M is no different then the respect and love you are giving your unborn child.

And this is going to be tough for you to understand

Your H is no different than your unborn child.

Think of him this way for now.

He is lost

He is confused

He is incapable of making the choices that are right for HIM because he doesn't know who he his right now.

You are not his mother.

BUT

He is behaving like a child.

Not your place to correct him.

Only to honor and love him

If you choose to.

When you do this

...you do the same for yourself.

[2gthrButApart]

I'll answer your questions, he's here now so I don't want to be on long.

He decides he wants to print off the papers for his lawyer HERE. He said no one or nothing can change his mind. He said he's more than done he wants nothing to do with me' and never will. He said he's filing the papers so I won't thinknhes leading me' on. He's going to prove to me' he wants nothing to do with me'. And filing is his way of doing it.

I told him he never tried one thing to change things and he said he never will bc he DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME OR DEAL WITH ME ANYMORE.

I think there's no point in DBing or anything else. This is just one of the 20% that doesn't make it. He's hard headed and will do ANYTHING to prove his point. Divorcing me is his way of showing he means business.

This will never survive. He told me' several times today "there is no 'WE' there never will be. I made up my mind a long time ago! The paperwork will get done whether you like it or not. We've been DONE and we will never be together again!"

I think that's my cue. Time to give up 1,000%.

[2gthrButApart]

BTW I did nothing to trigger this conversation. This was after we had a great morning and after he decided to want to spoon with me last night.

After a great time he still brought up D.

[2gthrButApart]

I told him I'm sorry but I can't really be his friend I'm this situation we are in. He said well then I guess we'll do things the ugly way. .... Which is not what I meant at all.

I began cooking lunch n stuck on my iPod to zone out. He says do you notice the negativity just imagine us living together. WTH does it really matter he just made sure I fully understood he will never in a million yrs come back home.

[warriorshadow]

2g
I read your post and see the same in so much of what you post.
The spooning thing followed by talking about the D. Classic for me
and also the don't want to lead you on and I'm done.
When you told him he never wanted to change things, that kind of
puts it on him that he has messed up. They don't hear that, don't
want to believe it and will fight tooth and nail against you about it.
DB'ing means saying "Im sorry you feel that way etc. and validating that you know things were not great in out marriage lately." That takes it off of him. Don't admit to failures that you were not part of.
I think you are still not at the point of letting him go. It is
his horrible journey that he has embarked on. The negativity will be toned down if you get better at DBing. I cringe when I see you wanting to give up because I have been where you are just
a few short months ago. You think he is hard headed? I got news for you. My wife would be quite a contender there.
There is obvious confusion with him. This is a good thing!!
That means he is clearly not DONE! If he was DONE!, he would not
be spooning and be so confused. Now since you know the game of "Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do" You can gain strength in knowing that he is wacked right now.
Think of this:
If you forget everything he says, like DONE, Doesn't want to be with you anymore etc. You are left with the good. Things like spooning etc.
They spew and spew and spew.
If you keep confusing him, by DBing, you will get better at it and will be able to use the things you learn for the rest of your life no matter who you are with.
My wife was at that point your husband is now and I really am
sorry you are going through that. I know it is painful.
When they bounce back and forth like what you describe, they are so screwed up they don't even realize the mixed signals they are
sending. Gather great strength from this!! It tells you loud and
clear that they are messed up mentally. If they were totally rational, and your husband is not, then we know we have trouble
long term.
This takes a lot of time. More than we would think would be necessary. You have to be strong right now and the people here will help you.

[2gthrButApart]

I'm really trying to DB it's hard. And these darn pregnancy hormones make it harder on me. He said he HAS to file and divorce me' already so I can stop thinking things will be ok between us. He said close the door n give up. I will be here for my kids no matter what bc I left you not them. So that's why he's in such a rush to file. To prove things will never be ok between us ever again.

I don't know if there's anyone else or not.

I'm reading How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It. And I ordered Divorce Busting. I've read DR.

I just feel like reading these books means to hang on when I honestly think there's no more hope for our family.

[Truegritter]

He's going to prove to me' he wants nothing to do with me'. And filing is his way of doing it.

Give him what he wants.

Stop fighting him.

I am not saying get a divorce.

He is running and fighting the control he perceives you have over him with a VENGIANCE.

The baby is the untlimate control in HIS mind.

You need to detach and do it NOW.

Do not give in to his plays at affection.

This man is really in turmoil.

Get out of his way.

Protect yourself and your children.

[2gthrButApart]

I don't know where to begin since this is pretty certainly the end. I have no idea what I can or should do, if anything at all. Any suggestions? I just feel very lost and confused lately.