Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

While my C may not know the future, I feel that I do. And I don't see myself ever dating or anything. Honestly, I have never dated, I don't know how to. I take rejection very personally, and I tend to latch onto people and want more from them than I should. So I'm just not dating material. Let me explain.

H was my first and only boyfriend. Keep in mind, we met when I was a few months shy of age 21. He was my first kiss, first date, first lover, first everything. I pursued him, looking back I can see how that didn't work out so well for me at the time but in the end he still chose me so I don't regret everything that happened from the time we met until the time we got serious. Yes, there are some things I wish I'd done differently and things that I wish had never happened. But hindsight is always 20/20 and sadly I am not one who seems to learn from the past.

The point is once, I met H and got to know him, that was it. I decided he was who I wanted so I latched onto him and hung on until I got what I wanted: him. The times he rejected me I felt pain similar to what I'm feeling now, but he always came back to me and I would forgive him for hurting me because my heart had decided he was the one for me. And I can very easily see myself doing that to any other man I meet.

So that is how I know already that I won't meet guys or date or get married again. I am too intense, too insecure and too co-dependent to have a relationship.