Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

I need to update, lots of interesting things happened in the past two days and I need to update.

Remember, she is at the MIL until next Friday.

Friday night I went out with some friends downtown, and talked to her earlier in the day about it. I told I wasn't sure when I'd be back that night. She asked who I was going with and I told her "E, and just a bunch of his friends". She tried to call me that night, but I didn't pick up the phone. No texts, no phone calls.

The next morning I called her while she was traveling to the family reunion about 4 hours away and she was in the car with MIL and sisters. I told her I got home really late last night and didn't want to call to wake her up, but I saw she called and thought I'd see how she was doing. She said, "I tried to call you". I told her that I didn't see the call and by the time I was back it was too late.

I then told her that I would be having some people over at the house Saturday night for a BBQ hangout thing. She asked who was coming - I told her, "just a bunch of people, maybe 20-25 people or so".

She didn't let it stop, she said, "Who is coming?" I told her "E, his friends, S, M, and K and his friends". She accepted it and then I told her I needed to go, I had to get started on my day. She said, "Well, I'm going to be at this family reunion all day today and I'm not sure I can leave and call you, I can talk to you now..." I just told her that it wasn't necessary, just call me whenever.

See, here's where it gets interesting. My friend K has a sister that hit on me pretty hard the other week, and I left the hangout to come home because I was upset about it. My W caught on to it, and I explained to her what happened. She wasn't too happy, but not mad at me. Then in MC this last week I explained to the MC that I was sexually frustrated and I was VERY afraid I would go outside the marriage to seek that elsewhere. My W took that as a threat, but I explained to her it was not a threat, it was only how I was feeling.

Now, fast forward 5 minutes from our conversation when I told her who was coming. She calls me back within 5 minutes of hanging up. I asked what was going on... she said "You should call C and ask him to go." I said I would consider it, and then asked her if everything is cool.... "I'm not thrilled about K being there" was her response. I said "OK" and told her I was on my way out the door.

I got off the phone and thought about it. C is a good friend of both of ours, and I'm thinking she suggested I invite him because he would "watch" me... I can't be certain but that is what my gut tells me.

I talk to her about 5 hours later because my father had some issues at home, nothing important. She asked where I was and I told her golfing with S & M. That I needed to go because I was on the tee.

Fast forward to about 9:00pm. She calls but my phone is inside while I'm hanging outside and I don't see it ring. I then see that she calls again at about 9:45pm and I pickup the phone. I ask her how she's doing, she says fine, and then immidiately jumps into "How are things going there". I told her good, that I was outside earlier when she called, but she keeps asking who's there. I tell her E, S, and a few other friends.

"Is K there?" she asks (sister dude that hit on me). I tell her no that he hasn't showed up yet, but I did call him earlier. She asks, "Is K's sister coming?" I told her I didn't know. We chatted about the days events but I told her I needed to get back to the guests.

An hour later I get a text: How many women are or were in our house?
I didn't see it right away so I texted 15 min later: "Stop worrying. Everything is cool."
She immidiately shoots another back: "How many?"
I send back to her about 15 min later (I had to deal): "Stop worrying. Its only a few guys here playing cards drinking beers."

No more texts after that.

I didn't want her to think I was having some kind of wild ride here, because it wasn't. I was afraid she'd retaliate while at MIL house this week if I didn't calm her.

All in all, I need some perspective on how I handled the situation and what you think is in her head... I'm thinking jealousy? What does that mean for my DB ?

[john28]

I know what you guys might say, that by telling her at the end that it was only a few guys here drinking beers that I didn't do the entire "mystery". But I'll be honest, I think I got the point across to her that I was doing whateve I wanted, and I could see she was emotionally upset about it. I just said that to bring stuff back into check.

[john28]

Well, just got off the phone with her now. I asked about her day, etc... we talked a while about the reunion and then I told her that I was going to go. She stopped and said, "Aren't you going to talk about last night?" I told her that I didn't think anything important happened, just a bunch of guys hanging out.

She then went into, "I told you to invite C, but you didn't. I trust C and thought it was a good idea he was there." I didn't really respond but said that it was just a cool night, don't be paranoid and everything, K and his sister weren't there. She said, "I'm not being paranoid, you know me, it's just I can't believe you would invite these kind of people into our home where you have a wife and son, especially one that has hit on you and I don't feel comfortable with, and if I did the same thing you would be angry and disappointed." I validated her feelings and told her she was right, but nothing went wrong here, and she is the one who told ME to out and have fun while she was gone and stay busy so I wouldn't be lonely/clingy, and I was just doing what she told me to do. She responded with, frankly, "Don't be a douche."

I reassured her again that nothing happened, no girls were partying hard here, etc. And then she ended it with "I don't care either way." Probably out of frustration. I asked her what that meant, and she said "You know what it means". I assume she meant that she didn't care if I was flirty/sleeping with someone else... but I can hardly believe she doesn't CARE given her questions and paranoia.

Am i on target here with my thoughts?

[Dazed&Confused]

I don't know man. I am very new to this myself and can barely figure out what I am doing, but I can say this....

There was nothing mysterious going on. Yes, I would have taken it as good sign if I was in your shoes. Wife is actually caring about what I am doing. But from reading it, you showed her your hand. She might reflect back on it and just think that you were trying to make her jealous.

Just my .02......

Again, I would still be happy though! (but I am also still in that "needy" stage, but slowly working out of it!)

Good Luck!

[pinhead]

Provide less info to her. You're almost sabotaging your GAL efforts. Don't lie, but don't tell the whole story to her.

Remember, she bombed you.

[john28]

Provide less info to her. You're almost sabotaging your GAL efforts. Don't lie, but don't tell the whole story to her.

Remember, she bombed you.

Right. I didn't tell the whole story - I left out all the details. Just basically said people were over, we drank and played cards. Nothing else though. I'm not going to lie to her. But, it is difficult when she asks the point blank questions of who was there, what did you do, I just can't give her no information. I tried being vague with who was here and she just kept hounding me. She even said that she had asked me who was there and I never answered her...

[pinhead]

Yeah, it is hard. I don't want to lie to my wife either. I guess we'll just get better with time. Plus, when the W moves out, less of this will be required. She'll just grill my two Ds for info...

[Dane]

John,
You are sharing way too much info with wife. You are not being mysterious, just do your own thing(GAL). You are communicating way too much with the WAW, it appears like you are playing a game with her. She will see through it, remember the reason you are doing this is for YOU, not her.

You have not dropped the rope and dettached. I know how hard it is, but you have to force yourself.

[john28]

Dane & PH - I completely understand that I am sharing way too much. I know that I am. However, there's been no talk of D or S in the past 3 weeks at all, and we're continuing MC. It's just - I feel like if I'm mysterious too much she'll start doing the same, and that's something I don't want.

I guess I'm just afraid that I'm not to the stage of mysterious GAL full blown because she obviously cares and this may question if she really wants to stay if it appears something else is happening with me and she's not included. That might push her away and over the edge when she's agreed to be transparent to me, and we're in the same bed / same house.

[john28]

Well you guys called it.

She said that she was angry because she thought I was trying to make her jealous, and she's not stupid. I just validated that I could understand why she felt that way, but that wasn't my intention and I was sorry she felt that way. Just kept validating her feelings, and we talked for about 30 minutes.

The weird thing is, she immidiately at the beginning of our conversation asked me, "Swear that there were no women in our house." Why would she ask that? I don't understand. If she was just mad and not jealous, why would she ask me that again?