On the first page of your thread I gave you some links, that was back in March. Since that time I have given some others more links and I thought maybe I should give them to you. You are going to have to go back to the start of this journey and start over. I know that this sounds painful but it is what you must do. Whether it is going to be with your husband or not YOU must pull your self up off the floor and start to move forward again.
Sorry you find yourself back here ... this is tough stuff ...
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
It hurts. Alot.
Originally Posted By: seeking answers
I know it hurts. It hurts because you love him, it hurts because you are angry. It hurts because he is not the man you knew and depended on, got used to, accepted, and co-parented the children with.
It hurts because this man turned into someone so selfish he is unrecognizable.
Sweetie, I hate to be the one to put it so bluntly, but really ...
It hurts because you are not detached. And that is YOUR work to do.
Cadet is right .... start at the beginning ... it's the only way. Read, or reread the resources ... and
DETACH, DETACH, DETACH.
Good luck, Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
There are so many of us here in the same boat with you, and praying its not the Titanic. I'm as guilty of backsliding as the next person, but the only true way to protect yourself is to detach yourself from him. It may all sound so cliche', so simply said but not easily done. That's all true, but YOU CAN'T FIX HIM. Also, if you are at all like me, you keep trying to find the fault in yourself that caused this whole mess. IT'S NOT THERE. YOU DID NOT DO THIS. I can say I have thankfully reached a point that my H can upset me, but not hurt like I did in the beginning.
Blah! Same thing! WH wants to reconcile. Doesn`t want to live with us. Or maybe he does but FIRST he says we have to work on `us``. Which of course sounds reasonable, but means.... My choices are still.... (WHAT WOULD YOU DO, WHAT WOULD YOU ADVISE -- anyone...
- sleep with him and run a house and mostly raise the kids myself and work full time in a strange city I don`t want do this, while he determines whether or not `WE` are good or not.
- don`t be involved in an adult relationship with him and still I have to run the house myself, while he creates a new life for himself elswehere, looking for relationships, etc.(what seems to be happening because I don`t want to be in a relationship where I am being `judged` ALL the time, but I don`t want to let go tell him to date other people either.)
- it`s been a year, L says file for final D (he won`t sign separation papers) and start a new life (whatever that is).
I had to do the "work on Us" before he moved back in with me and my kids. I think it was 6 months before I let him move home. It was hard. We tried to keep it from the kids, because we didnt want to hurt them again.
Do you want to reconcile? I will have to go back and read your whole thread.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
You've been down this road before kiddo. Your H isn't through with his crisis yet. He's still exhibiting running behavior. Just as soon as he has what he thinks he wants he turns around and takes off again.
He hasn't even started to face his internal issues that got him here in the first place. Until he's ready to work on himself you will still be blamed for his misery no matter what you do.
Second...look this is some very hard chit - really do what YOU need to do. No regrets...
Run or stand?
Stand for Your M or stand for YOU?
You decide i can't for ya.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
