So we went to church, good service about new beginnings. I look at it as new M, W looks at it as new beginning separated I'm sure.
W has been upset I have been doing stuff with the kids and not including her. I told her you do stuff with them, and I will do the same. She said well since for the time being we are in the same house we should do things with them together. I didn't answer that, wanted to go off on the you want out so I'm treating it that way, but I kept cool and quiet.
She doesn't seem to be as pissed I am going out, so the wall seems to be getting thicker I guess.
dsh, she wants to cake eat, look like a real family until she's gone. My wife is the same, tells everyone "we're separating" instead of saying she's leaving. Avoiding responsibility. Wants me to go to church with her and the girls, but I'd rather go by myself to an earlier service.
W was completely silent tonight, no calls or texts. I could tell she was not pleased when I left, but at least I wasn't lit up like last weekend.
Spoke with a woman at the party who actually goes to our church, she is also a psychologist. After going through "my" story she says my W is lacking the love and attention from me. Of course this woman has heard of DB and while she agrees with a lot of the tools, she feels that if I "act" as if its over and I am moving on then the "issue" in our M of me not showing affection will solidify the W's feelings and push her further away.
She also says our church is pro marriage(what church isn't) and is surprised my W is so adamant about wanting it to be over.
You know she's going to take your temperature. Work on that charming smile that'll drive her nuts. Think ahead for good things to say, to deflect her.
And then leave. Think catnip.
Our WAS love the idea that we're losers, and that they're better off leaving us for Mr. New Shiny. Well, Mr. New Shiny has just as much baggage, and really isn't motivated like we are. He's just in it for a fling really. The success rate for affair relationships is around 1% according to Allen in the Infidelity section.
We know we're not losers. We're getting a life, we're getting in shape, we're not sitting around anymore waiting for life to come along; we're taking the ride.
Who wouldn't want someone doing that? As opposed to some loser/predator who wants to have an affair with a married man. Think of your opponent like that, a loser/predator.
I am not a loser, I know that. W asked me this morning if I was losing weight, said yes, she said good or bad weight? I chuckled and said its good weight. She knows it to, I quit drinking a month ago, I have stayed at 225 pounds and my shirts are fitting tighter in the chest and arms, I know she sees this, but she is trying to get me worked up.
We are going to the movies which I will be on the up and up. She also asked me if something happened last night to get me in a bad mood. Why she thinks I am in a bad mood all the time I dont get. I am being cordial and playful with the kids, just because I am not overly "gay" dont know why I keep using this term, but I am not going to be super friendly with her.
I will enjoy my time with the kids, and the fact she is going, well its another 9.50 i didnt need to spend today. She can buy her own damn popcorn
You know she's going to take your temperature. Work on that charming smile that'll drive her nuts. Think ahead for good things to say, to deflect her.
And then leave. Think catnip.
Our WAS love the idea that we're losers, and that they're better off leaving us for Mr. New Shiny. Well, Mr. New Shiny has just as much baggage, and really isn't motivated like we are. He's just in it for a fling really. The success rate for affair relationships is around 1% according to Allen in the Infidelity section.
We know we're not losers. We're getting a life, we're getting in shape, we're not sitting around anymore waiting for life to come along; we're taking the ride.
Who wouldn't want someone doing that? As opposed to some loser/predator who wants to have an affair with a married man. Think of your opponent like that, a loser/predator.
In the case of an affair being confirmed, your spouse is having an affair with another man, never compete with the other man, NEVER.
Competing just communicates that you aren't good enough as is and that you have to compete with another man for YOUR wife.
How does that sound?
Competing for your wife.
Didn't you already get married? Shouldn't you be in a committed relationship already? Why are you competing with another man?
Never do it.
It already conveys that you're in 2nd place when you have to compete for a spouse that was already yours to begin with.
Better to just say "you should be with them, this is good for you, hope you're happy with them, this is good for me too, this is an opportunity for me as well"
Never compete with another man.
Follow gucci's thread, let them go, show them the door, don't fight with them on any topic, just agree and move on and detach.
And DSH, as for that psychologist you spoke to the other night, did you mention that you guys have separated previously, did you mention the affair to them, I just don't understand the logic behind giving a wayward spouse more love & attention when doing that just pushes them further away. Lovingly detach is what you should be doing, "I love you, want you to be happy, hope the other guy makes you happy, have a good life with him" and let go of them and pursue your own freedom. Never stick around and wait for their relationship to run it's course and act like a hyena to chew on the leftover's, that just communicates low value on your part.
Always be high value, pursue that idea within yourself, be the best you can be for yourself, not to compete with another man but to compete with yourself, be better than the person you were yesterday and continue that trend tomorrow and the day after that.
If and When your wayward spouse chooses to come back, that day YOU not THEM will decide if you want them back. You know you are high value, you know what you are worth and you have to seriously consider if you should be taking back someone who apparently lost sight of that fact. You can't be easy, you have to be hard to get.
People don't want things that are low value and easy to get.
People pursue high value, people want what they can't have.
That's human nature, plain & simple.
DSH as for your wife and the constant temperature taking on her part (no anal thermometers hopefully), just ask her, it's another opportunity on your part to stop avoiding confrontation: "Wife, I notice that you keep asking me if I'm ok, if I'm angry, If I'm <fill in the blank>. What is it specifically that is making you think that I'm feeling this way? Are you misinterpreting my body language or some things I might have said? I'm actually feeling great, I'm not angry, I'm looking forward to a great day today"
And I agree with pinhead, if you need to vent, vent on your thread here, let your tourette's syndrome run wild here LOL! c*cksucker muthaf!@#$ker!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
