It's a bit tricky. I work in the macho world of Emergency Medicine where you're expected to just grin and bear whatever the world throws at you. I've already been working intermittently with the OW for the last 6 months, and the attitude of my bosses in the main is just "be professional, keep your personal life out of it." The fact that I didn't ask for my colleague to have an affair with my wife seems totally lost on them. I wasn't the one that mixed up my professional with my personal life - the evil OW did that for me. My STBXW has nothing to do with medicine.
We're all on 3 or 4 year training rotations which are decided well in advance and spread across large geographical regions so it's very difficult to reorganise as it messes up the staffing across about 4 counties if one of us moves, and then also impairs the ability of the hospital to provide Emergency Care if it's suddenly missing a senior doc. So I'm stuck with it.
I stopped wanting the STBXW back months ago. She does not set an example I want for my future offspring. But I do still want a bit of my faith in the world restored. To believe again that living a decent and honest life is worthwhile, as opposed to leaving a catastrophic trail of destruction and hurt behind you yet getting everything you wanted.
I can only forget about it (and do very nicely) during the rare spells where I don't have to work with that evil cow. The rest of the time it's in my face and I can't do anything about it. I can't even change jobs easily as recruitment is a national process which only occurs once a year and it is career suicide to quit at the wrong time in a very competitive field.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Spent yesterday with the daughter of my sMIL who is suicidal after she found out that her boyfriend of 7 years has been cheating on her with at least 6 other women. He's currently in a relationship with one of their mutual best friends. Very similar to my situation unfortunately.
Brought back too many memories of where I was 5 months ago. I want to castrate him, I feel so awful for her. How do these nasty, cruel individuals seem to get away scott free?
Last edited by lees; 07/19/1011:30 AM.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well it's just a short 7 days now till I have to work more days than not with the OW who is now engaged to my STBX. I have no idea how I will cope. The stress is already almost unbearable just thinking about it, and I think that having to deal with a new job at the same time is going to break me. But there is no way out of the pre-planned rotation other than to sacrifice the career I've spent 14 years working on.
I'm trying to concentrate on remembering that I will always be much the better human being than either of them, that I haven't done the wrong here, and that I still have my self respect. But it's tough. Especially because those two obviously have a moral code which doesn't involve caring about being nasty, cruel, dishonest cheating individuals.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well 2 days of working almost solely with the OW and I'm about ready to throw in the towel. I cannot stand her smugness. I hate that I seem unable to perform at 100% when she is in the room - because I can't help the energy that goes into making my blood boil, my brain scream and my hands want to beat her to a pulp.
I hate that my new job, which would be otherwise a lot of fun, is tainted by her poisonous presence.
And no word from the wife re the separation papers. She'd better get her arse in gear.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
You've got a tough assignment here, Lees. I've got no helpful tips, just empathy for you. My wife ditched me for a woman too. I don't know whether that's better or worse than getting ditched for another guy...either way, it just hurts. I can't imagine having to work with that person. Hang in there but don't hang her!
Well survived another week. Couldn't help but ask the nasty OW to make sure that the stbx gets the separation paperwork in on time. Am really enjoying the job still, except for when she's around, at which times I'd rather be disembowelled with a blunt spoon.
Things are looking up though. Have just started seeing a lovely solicitor from the next town along, and having a great time. No idea where it will lead especially with my Antarctica plans, but for now I'm enjoying it muchly, and it is nice to have met someone who ticks all my pre-requisites for a relationship - attractive, my intellectual equal, likes outdoors stuff, musical, solvent, sane, not living with parents, funny and rather importantly has never cheated on anyone and is able to do long term relationships - her last but one was 10yrs.
And the interesting added bonus is that she'll be very useful when it comes to the legal bits and bobs!
And to end on an even bigger positive note, I have the weekend off work to relax, recuperate and get the rest of my life in order.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Life is truly so much better now. I'm very grateful to everyone on here for helping me through what was undoubtedly the most difficult period of my existence so far.
I'm feeling very lucky to have found such a wonderful new lady, even though it's early days I have a great feeling about us, and it seems she does too.
I've survived working with the OW every week - and think she's mildly distressed by how happy I am. I have finally reached the point of believing I'm actually better off without the STBXW - in fact they deserve each other. I do still wish she'd get the separation paperwork done, but in the end I'm sure it will be of little consequence. Can't actually do anything final until we've been separated for another 2 yrs, so if she hasn't bothered by then I'll get on and do it myself at that point. I know enough legal folks to help me with the paperwork, which at that point won't be in any way complicated.
I don't know why I expected her to in any way keep her word about sorting that out - given she couldn't keep any other important promises it seems.
But enough negativity. I had a fantastic evening yesterday on what would've been our first wedding anniversary - wonderful meal with the gf and my best friends to introduce them all. Have been laughing a great deal lately, camping, biking, hiking, BBQing, drinking and kiting.
I have survived. I am stronger. I love myself, and others love me too. Thanks DBers.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
