I know it hurts. It hurts because you love him, it hurts because you are angry. It hurts because he is not the man you knew and depended on, got used to, accepted, and co-parented the children with.
It hurts because this man turned into someone so selfish he is unrecognizable. You question yourself because you can not believe you made such an error in judgment when you married him and believed you would be together for life.
I'm going to tell you what helped me to deal with all of this. First, I had to understand what happened to my H. Why he turned into someone I did not know, how he could turn his back on all that we'd built together and our love for each other. How he could tell me he hadn't loved me for a long time when just a short time before he not only said it, but proved it.
I had to understand what 'snapped' in him. I got some very wise advice when I found this place. That was to learn all I could about MLC. The more I delved into it the more it made sense. The more I learned the easier it became to detach.
I am a fixer by nature and I learned and accepted that I can not fix this. I didn't break my H and I can't fix him. Realizing this was the beginning of my journey.
Step back SCh, don't let yourself get drawn into your H's drama. It's not selfishness on your part, it's self preservation. This is your time. Use it wisely and work on yourself. There is happiness to be had outside of your H.
Find your center and start living your life according to you. You are going to need to draw upon that strength if/when your H returns if you let him.
You have the power to do this SCh, you just have to believe it for yourself.
