Tonight, at halftime, I noticed the album of pictures I keep under the living room table. I picked them up and began looking through them. They are pictures of my family that I selected as my favourites to put in an album to show people, not that I've ever shown them to anyone. Well, the tears started flowing...why do I look at these! When I look back at the 17 years of my marriage and what I thought was forever, I can't help but cry. I know this new life is supposed to be an amazing adventure...sure! My family was everything to me and looking through those memories just sparks the sadness and the hurt that's still locked inside and probably will for as long as I live. How can you possibly just wipe it aside? Beats me. I know there will be new memories, maybe with somebody else but I will never have the memories like I do now. I will never have children with anyone else, I will never raise children with anyone else. I sit here in my apartment alone...I never ever dreamed that would be where I am today, never! How did such a wonderful dream turn into this? I guess we all ask that question. Anyway, time to put away the past until the next time I pull those pictures out. Maybe one day I'll be able to just smile when I go through them but that day isn't here yet. Back to football. Btw, I also have a family picnic to go to this weekend and it will be the first time I attend alone. In the past two years I haven't been able to push myself to go without wife and kids but this year will be the year.
They don't want to. It's one of those family reunion type things we hold yearly and my kids don't know anyone there except their grandparents. Most of my family lives 1.5 hours away and we don't see them except at the summer picnic. My brother isn't up to going and my sister appears to be going to the Carribana festival downtown instead. I'll be fine...as long as I stay away from those darn pictures! Thanks for checking in on me Donna.
I tried to reply this morning, but you were in edit mode. Umm..your kids should be exposed to your side of the family, even if distant. It helps in the future and who knows? One of them might charm a rich aunt or uncle. No, really, it doesn't hurt them to be "bored" a few hours by family. I know from personal experience that it can come back as a good memory later, even if it was a "bore" as a teen.
Thanks NH. I talked to the girls and they said they'd come! No arm twisting, bribing...nothing, they just said they'd come. It's a weird world, isn't it. I phoned my mom to let her know that the girls were coming and therefore we'd need two cars. Mom asked whether STBX was coming and I said "I didn't ask her" and my mother said "she's welcome to come" and I replied "No, she isn't and I'm not asking her". I need to face my family as ME not US, it's great that the girls are coming so that part of US is still intact!
Thanks for checking in on me Donna.