Congrats CW! I'm facing the thought of winter in this house and it is becoming less foreboding. Even though I would dearly love to be in town. Also work is a great place to meet new people, even just to smile and be yourself.
You know, I was thinking that the extra money will be nice but now this job will be replacing any galing I might do when the kids are with their Dad....I won't feel right going out when it is my weekend...
punkin-hopefully this winter won't be as bad as last winter was!!! I have been following what is going on with you...sorry this is happening!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW, I still think the new job is part of GALing. It is worth repeating...new job means new people and new people=potential friends and experiences. Worst case scenario, you get some more $ and you will be using that to help your sitch. Improving your sitch is also part of GAL. And you can always cut back or quit.
So just enjoy.
Had a revelation today after reading "Getting Past Your Breakup." It is that we need to take time to HEAL and not put so much pressure on self improvement, changing our lives...just living and being alone, reflecting will make big impact on what we need and want from our next relationship, whether it is reconciling with your H or not. Food for thought...
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
what we need and want from our next relationship, whether it is reconciling with your H or not. Food for thought...
I spent a lot of time on this ... and still do ...
I actually took H out of the equation and just identified what I would need and want from a future partner, regardless of who he was. I also thought about what I now had to offer. It was a really good exercise ....
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
TG, some of we, uh, more mature, LBSs, have already had reason and time to look at our marriages and ourselves before the B. We have gone through our own transitions and know who we are. We have looked at our Ms, identified where we have fallen short, and actually made changes. We have found a life of our own, perhaps for some time. But the B explodes anyway, because it has nothing to do with us. And then our first work is to heal and learn to be alone.
That is, at least, where I am.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
My personal opinion is that growth is an essential part of EVERY stage of the LBS's journey and we should never rest on our laurels so to speak.
I agree in the sense that we shouldn't just vegitate and stop improving...BUT (and maybe I am projecting from my own experience and it doesn't mean it is right for everyone)
I think that "taking a break" from beating ourselves up, IMPROVING every self imposed negative characteristic, working so hard to be better, etc. is necessary! Crap, even God took the seventh day to rest, right?
So what I mean is that in this lengthy, stressful, strenous journey, resting on one's laurels IS important. Learning to love oneself as we are.
Sure, if we are abusing drugs or spending too much money or gambling, etc. it is not healthy. But just taking time to be on our own, working, watching TV, spending time with friends without constantly trying to be cognizant of areas we feel we need to improve is necessary! Take a vacation, re-energizing, and then go back at it! Supposedly, we are good enough as we are (as long as we aren't being abusive or abusing ourselves)
I apologize if I went off too much....I hope you see my point!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
TG, I mean both age and time in the game (but not the MLC game), and the growth that should come with both. I am old enough to have gone through my own life transitions, to have reevaluated myself, my values and my decisions several times over, and to have found a measure of peace with where I've been and why, who I am, and what I believe is important in my life. I have been in an R long enough to understand the gives and takes, ups and downs, the ways in which my H and I have helped and hurt each other, and why. I knew what my personal challenges were well before the B, because I had examined them in the context of both myself and as a partner, and had begun the work some time ago.
My H's MLC came well into, and in spite of, this process. While it has been terribly painful on many levels, it has only strengthened my sense of self. So what is most important to me right now is to heal from the pain, support my Ds, and learn to live alone for the first time in my life. I agree that alone is perfectly fine...I am comfortable being with me. Living on one's own is a bit different, and something I am adjusting to.
I guess my point is that some LBSs have already begun the same journey that other LBSs only start at the B. Some are well into the work, others haven't ever considered that it was needed. Each person has a different starting point. Regardless of where that is, I do agree with you wholeheartedly that personal growth should really never end.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
