cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[newmama]

Still not sure how to go about telling H that I am filing. I really need advice here. Most people on here don't do the filing. I kind of feel weird like I am giving up, but I have to protect myself and S. H is out doing who knows what (I don't really care) all the time, and who knows how big of a credit card debt he has wracked up so I can't be responsible for that and need to get out now. Advice on what to do would be nice.

YOU ARE NOT giving up!!!! You are protecting your S and YOU! You are calling it quits to a dysfunctional relationship--if you two R'd, it would be renewed, correct?

So my opinion on how to tell him:

1) you meet with your L, get logistics figured out
2) you submit the paperwork, i.e. "file"
3) you tell your H that same day, with an "escape route" that "I am no longer willing to be married to you while you are having an affair. I filed for divorce today. You will be getting served (by you? or someone else?) shortly."
4) he will freak out most likely. You keep your cool. You do not back down at all.
5) you reflect on exactly what your H will need to do in order for you to consider NOT divorcing him. Post it here, talk with friends and family, etc.

Now, after reading that, analyze/dissect pros and cons to each step and post!!