Quote: PLEASE LL if you can find some decent boots I can fit I'd be SOOOO grateful! Seriously, I've been shoe/boot hunting for over a year now with NO luck. Doesn't help that the only specialty shoe store in town closed down last year. my mom has a bunion too...she had one removed surgiacally as a teen but put off the other and just never got around to it...I understand boots are the more difficult..what if you tried pay less (a chain that tends to carry a lot of wide with) look for ones that have a zipper that goes to the bottom...the styles today aren't all pointy (don't think I can picture you in pointy ones anyway..more like thigh high combat boots for some reason..those can be sexy too ya know)
Because of my bunion situation, I need extra width near the toes. VERY hard to find...I'm tempted to have a pair MADE fo me! If I knew where to do that! as I just said, there are lot's of styles now adays that do have very wide toe space...too bad you don't live 'round here I'm sure you'd find something in harvard square.
I just had a funny thought....
Tonight D and H are coming over. It's H's birthday tomorrow but as one of her precious kitties died this week, and the death of our pals husband, she wants a low-key evening here with us.
Thing is she INSISTED that it be a pajama party...no make up or anything. So I thought I'd wear my flannel men's PJ bottoms and a little top....but I COULD wear the nice black cotton sheath nightie I bought a few weeks ago!
CJ would FLIP....and not in the manner I'd WANT him to. how bout something in between? like a new pair of flannel or valoor (that new plushy cosy material that aint so new) bottoms plain or printed...with a tank? do you have time to stop by the mall?
He slept in bed last night...wish I could have stayed but the snoring was too much so I joined him (from the couch) in the morning. He got up before me, saying he'd be back in a bit. I thought...maybe!!
He did come back, but just spooned. never say "just" ya ya ya, I know you're looking for more..but sometimes we do have to be thankful for what we do get.
By then my back was getting sore (I was ready to get up) so I asked him to rub it...which he did...then just sort of dozed there. One of the cats joined us.
Finally I said to him "Did you come back to rest, or are we both waiting for the other to make a move?"
He said "Well this feels good..... but you can make a move if you want"... This wasn't quite the response I was hoping for...I said "Well it would be nice to have a sign of interest...."
Just one of those episodes filled with missed opportunities all around. in the end hon, I think it was you who missed the opportunity...
Why, you ask, didn't I just start making "moves"? Well this is personal, but before I can really do so, I have to go to the bathroom, don special undies....It really can't be spontaneous for me in the mornings. Plus his less than enthusiastic response was not terribly motivating. would it be alright for me to say beggars can't be choosers? and why the heck not be spontaneous...who cares what undies your wearing...not like you'll be wearing them for long anyway right?
(Actually I kind of thought he might have gotten up to take a little blue pill and thus come back to bed more ready for love... )
After we got up I asked him if we could talk about this, but we were side-tracked by a call from H and making plans for the evening.
If you're squeamish about medical things skip this post...
I Have an ileostomy LL...a big 'ol bag that hangs from my lower right abdomen. In the mornings the thing is, well, full, and I cannot move, turn, face CJ or do anything unless I get up and empty it.
That's also the reason I like to don special undies (thong or crotchless) when we ML, so the thing isn't just THERE (sometimes it is...it bothers me more than him).
I finally found a top to wear with my flannel, black white and beige tartan PJ bottoms. Black shortsleeves, cotton, zip front.
CJ's first words? Are you wearing a bra with that? I said no...it's to be a COMFORTABLE evening, plus every time D and H drop by I'm not wearing one I HATE those contraptions and whip it off as soon as I get home.
He said something about how much shows when I bend over? So I did (had it zipped about an inch from the bottom)...nothing much. So I said "Not much shows unless I unzip it all the way" and did so.
Did CJ give me a compliment? Any sign of appreciation? No. He said "DON'T".
I brought up Halloween, and he denied being concerned or "checking me over" for "decency" that night.
He just hates when I get any attention of a sexual nature. That wasn't my intent tonight! It's just D and H...heck they've come over when I'm wearing a skimpy spaghetti strapped nightie! I sure as hell wouldn't have these huge pants on if I was going for "sexy"...
I mentioned how it seems that HE doesn't really appreciate my looks...he said he DOES...but I said that actions speak louder.
This afternoon while doing laundry I had on a pair of OLD PJ bottoms that have a strategic rip across the back side. When leaning over in front of him (putting scissors away) I joked about the view.
He just laughed. I said "Not a bad view for a fat girl, eh?" (exercise DOES have its benefits ) and he said "You're not fat". Okay, "Zaftig", I said.
Just curious? What % of men do you figure would have made a wee grab for it?
Ok Shiney, I have to admit that I have been unable to stay current with your threads, so if you've already covered this topic, please forgive me.
Is it possible that CJ has a wee problem with performance anxiety? Perhaps whenever the atmosphere turns sultry, he is confronted with fears of humiliation, frustration, and esteem busting failure to the extent that he goes into avoidance mode.
Just a thought - probably one that you've thought about on your own.
Quote: Just curious? What % of men do you figure would have made a wee grab for it?
well I know you could definately count my h in the percent that would most often not!
sorry bout the ileostomy thang...well now ya know if he does get up and there is the potential for him to return...take a quick trip to the bathroom just in case...and if it proves to be fruitless well at least you'll be more comfortable and able to stay in bed longer.
I haven't been on the BB a while so not fully up to date with your sitch. Sorry to hear you are getting nada in the bedroom at the moment from CJ.
I get the feeling you need to do a 180 here Shiny. I used to flounce around in sexy underwear and stuff for my H when I felt his drive was a bit low for my tastes and it did NOT work. In fact it put him off. He said he felt like I was kind of begging him to do it and it made him feel he didn't want to. Like he wanted to surprise me rather than me demand it. But conversely he is also quite lazy about getting stuff started, so that time with you and CJ where he suggested you make a move also sounded familiar. You weren't getting the encouragement you felt you needed but he was also being low key.
Forget the sexy clothes, this seems like a cheeseless tunnel. Maybe you should dress quite buttoned up, maybe prudishly - you know in a kind of unapproachable way (rather than just scruffy - LOL). Maybe he needs discouragement rather than encouragement. (Could be why an A was attractive to him - the off limits nature of what he was doing). Maybe if you get more confident you could almost tell him NOT to do anything (you know in a joky way) see if he plays along with the idea of not being allowed to? That it is naughty and you disapprove? As long as he understand that it is just a game, you never know it could work.
Next time he gives you any sign that you could go for it, then please just do it. Get those nagging doubts out of your head and go for it. ACT AS IF. I don't know if you remember one of my posts a while back where H and I had been in the mood but then one of us made a remark which turned the mood sour. Well to cut the story short, I decided to act as if, put on the sexy underwear anyway and went for it, it worked.
Another thing I sometimes do is give without wanting anything back (if you know what I mean). This has worked to kick start us back in the right direction again. A little frustrating for me but maybe if CJ is worried about performance knowing that he need do NOTHING and you want to do something for HIM. Especially if you tell him you have got all night and you are happy to be of service. This works wonders with my H. Sometimes he can be a little slow to y'know and I get a little bored. Soon as I tell him he can take all night (and sound like I mean it), whoopeee seconds later all done. It is about lifting the pressure.
Good luck Shiny. BTW, PIB the sexual peak for women as far as I can tell is from about 32 to who knows when (I am 42 and it is still here - LOL)
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Quote: Another thing I sometimes do is give without wanting anything back (if you know what I mean). This has worked to kick start us back in the right direction again. A little frustrating for me but maybe if CJ is worried about performance knowing that he need do NOTHING and you want to do something for HIM. Especially if you tell him you have got all night and you are happy to be of service. This works wonders with my H. Sometimes he can be a little slow to y'know and I get a little bored. Soon as I tell him he can take all night (and sound like I mean it), whoopeee seconds later all done. It is about lifting the pressure.
Yes, to that!
This has worked well for me as well.
As a matter-of-fact, my H had a lot of trouble with his erector set when I first met him.
It had plagued him for many years and daunted him with his other relationships.
My H has always had a healthy sexual appetite, so this snag was etching away at his masculine self image.
Suffice to say, employing the "I've got all the time in the world and it doesn't matter to me if anything happens or not" worked well for me (and him ) and he jumped the hurdle in record time and only occasionally has hit the skids since.
Oh yea, that point about creating an air of the forbidden is an interesting thought too.
Yeah, CJ has performance issues as well. Since the blue pill fixes that pretty nicely, there IS a physiological component as well.
Yes, I've decided that the sexy gear come-on back fires more often than not (it used to work pretty well!).
I have also offered to "please him" in any way he desired with NO reciprocation required, but he wasn't interested!
LL I HAVE done the "get ready just in case" thing many times, and I suppose it DOES up the odds some....
I was holding one of our black and white cats last night and CJ told me how nice he looked against my red sweatshirt (yes, I changed..LOL!)...I thanked him, sensed it was something he might usually have only thought, but not voiced?
In yesterday's newspaper there was an add for a job that fist EXACTLY with what CJ is studying at school!!!
It's with our new medical school on campus and RIGHT up CJ's ally. So this week he's going to work full time on creating a bang-up resume and portfolio.
Cheers all!
Shiny
P.S. after weeks of no snow (the first batch melted and it's been unseasonably warm here) It's coming down heavy today...always a reminder that Christmas is coming fast.
Things are good over here. CJ is VERY excited about this job possibility...at my suggestion he asked for and is getting letters of recommendation from his current teachers to include in his application.
He's developing a demonstration e-learning module related to medical courses...interesting stuff.
my mom has a bunion too...she had one removed surgiacally as a teen but put off the other and just never got around to it...I understand boots are the more difficult..what if you tried pay less (a chain that tends to carry a lot of wide with) look for ones that have a zipper that goes to the bottom...the styles today aren't all pointy (don't think I can picture you in pointy ones anyway..more like thigh high combat boots for some reason..those can be sexy too ya know) 
) and he said "You're not fat". Okay, "Zaftig", I said. 
