cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

Thanks ladies! Any other advice please let me know because I am going to the L Monday and I am not sure how to tell H that I have filed.

H picked up and dropped off S without any incidences. I was reading to S on the porch when H picked up. We were reading "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. H cried during the whole thing...not really sure why, but I am sick and tired of his constant tears. He has chosen this path in life, not S and I, so why is he crying all the time. He could at anytime change the path and be there more for S or be a family again, but he has chosen not to. Then when he dropped off I pulled in with H and S because I was getting back from the concert. I look cute and H has no idea where I was so that is nice. He cried again as he left...I just don't get it.

I didn't put my ring on this weekend like I normally do because H told me two weeks ago that he didn't want to be my H anymore so why have that to remind me. H is still wearing his, which I want to rip off his hand because he D'd me 16 months ago and puts on a show for his coworkers and anyone else who will watch like he is a devoted father and H...not the real case. He left us months ago, but no one knows that. Sorry back on to how his coworkers told me last year how great of a teacher he is and how awesome it is how I let him stay late. He can stay as late as he wants because he moved out months ago.

Still not sure how to go about telling H that I am filing. I really need advice here. Most people on here don't do the filing. I kind of feel weird like I am giving up, but I have to protect myself and S. H is out doing who knows what (I don't really care) all the time, and who knows how big of a credit card debt he has wracked up so I can't be responsible for that and need to get out now. Advice on what to do would be nice.

Had a lot of fun today! Cleaned the house and windows, went shopping and got a vest to wear in the pics with S on Tuesday, relaxed, took a long bubble bath, went to the concert. After the concert a former student of mine made me laugh so hard. The hardest I laughed in a while so that was fun. I honestly have no thoughts about H or what he is doing at all. I just have my life. I thought about S and wondering what he was doing, but that was it. It is funny because when he dropped off H said a lot like, I don't know if mommy lets you do this or that. He doesn't make the decisions for himself, but thinks what does mommy let you do, like a babysitter instead of a parent. Just an odd thing.

Finally, I do still love H. I see him and love him, but I am good without him. Although I have a lot more on my plate, I the least amount of stress I have had in a while, I am the healthiest I have been in a while, and I am the happiest I have been in a while. I really forgot about me for a long time in our relationship. Because of all the EAs, internet things, etc that have gone on with H, I had made everything about H and how to keep him. As DR tought me, it was the worst thing I could do, but I am young. I neglected myself and H neglected me so now I am enjoying life. I like being able to buy myself a new shirt without getting yelled at, then have H buy a $50 game without a second thought. Or be yelled at because of finances when I never bought anything for me or did anything for me. I mean we never went on a honeymoon or any vacation ever. I asked, but it never happened. I am just glad that now I can enjoy myself and take care of me. I still don't do anything extravagant because I have S to think about, but I am taking care of me and I am happy!