I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Thank you, Donna for this link:
http://www.gettingpastyourpast.com/?p=4743#more-4743

Closure is part emotional healing work and part decision. At some point you have to decide to turn the page to DECIDE that it’s time and it’s enough and it’s over and thank you and goodbye. At some point you have to CHOOSE the time to move on. And that is the time of closure…it comes after the hurt and the anger and the confusion…but it comes. And it comes from you and you alone. It is a side effect of walking through the pain but also of saying “This is it. I’ve had enough of this pain and anger and not living….it’s time to move on.” and then you MOVE ON.

That is closure. It is the integration of having experienced a loss, having worked through the emotions of that loss, of having decided that it’s time to move on, of recognizing the new self that is moving on, of committing to becoming the best new self you can be, and then going forward. That is closure. It happens for you and inside you. And only you. You get it from within.

And even if you have all the questions in the world, closure is possible down the road. You have to decide the answers don’t matter. It’s NOT going to make sense. You hurt, you are angry, you are confused, you are every emotion in the book, but you can survive even without knowing the answers to everything. At some point you have to accept, it is what it is and you may never understand exactly what that is. Then you Move on.

That is closure.

Wow. Well stated. As an ENFJ, I CAN'T STAND unfinished tasks--need to complete a task! So I think this is what also influenced my decision to wait for my stbxh to come back around because it just didn't make sense why he gave up so much for THE WHORE. And why he could suddenly just stop loving me.


But when my IC finally helped me to recognize that it doesn't make sense why stbxh would divorce me while being uncertain. (I am one who always wants to know WHY and HOW and find the cause for stuff but I couldn't find a plausible explanation for this) He said therefore, it means stbxh is not reliable with his mental and emotional state...and that is not something I want or need (my decision). And so that is when I dropped the rope! (I do have a thread left but that is my quirky nature- I need the divorce to be legally granted/completed to let go of the fiber of the rope)