I guess it is time for me to post my sitch. I have lurked and resisted doing this for a long time. But now I do not know where to go or what to do. Some details will remain sketchy because H hangs out here sometimes.
We have been married 20+ years. One college age D.
We have been in a SSM for many years. He tried many many times in many ways to get thru to me. I wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear. He had hurt me (verbally/emotionally) when I was pregnant with our child and I never felt like he truly loved me after that. And that he resented our baby enormously because of the attention she took away from him. He was more interested in doing his own thing, so I basically just shut down.
About 10 years ago he up and moved out and filed for divorce after doing some hinky things with finances. I was a wreck. I am a stay at home mom and no income of my own. I was petrified. I did all the things you are not supposed to do...begging, crying, pleading, bargaining. Well, he did agree to see a counselor during our "cooling off" phase of the divorce. He decided to drop the D and reconcile.
Things were good for a few years, but in the last 3 things have begun to backslide. He has become more distant and withdrawn. He was hanging out here and on some other forums constantly. Last year I got really suspicious & decided to do some investigating. He is a porn addict. He has had 2 serious PA's and many one nighters and has paid for sex on many occasions. I never new about the affairs before he filed. He would never admit there was anyone else. He denied, denied, denied it. That is one thing about him....he will lie till the bitter end and he is excellent at being a sneak.
We began seeing a MC/ST. She is good and I really like her. His opinion was she spent too much time on our family histories and not enough on OUR sex life. (uh, it's all connected, dude!). She decided after about 5 months that he is a sex addict and that she did not feel she could help him any longer and referred him to a specialist. He refused to go to him. He had started going to SA meetings at her urging. Has gotten a sponsor and seems to be doing quite well with one exception and this is why I am finally here.
He is still trolling craigslist. I have discovered that he has posted his own ad. And the ads he is viewing and his post are for other men. I really do not know what to do or even how to approach the subject. I also am not sure I even want to. I have walked in on him twice in the last 3 years looking at craigslist (then for women) and the last time I tried to make it clear if he does it again that is the third strike and I am done. I guess I wasn't clear enough, or it just doesn't matter to him.
I do not want to give up my intel source until I am ready to finally just call it a day. But I do not know how to approach him about this w/o revealing. Any suggestions? And let me know if I need to move to another forum. This just seems to be the only one that fits right now.
