Went to the MC Thursday and things went okay. I opened up about wanting to be intimate but just can't seem to do it and asked how do I work towards that? MC said it's completely natural to feel that way and said to take Intercourse off the table, everything else was okay if that is what I want. I'm also to continue venting to H if necessary. I have a hard time doing that, I'm the kind of person that thinks of everyone else before myself. While it does make me feel a little better to get things off my chest I see how much pain it causes him, so tend to avoid doing it. MC said its time for me to think of me and not everyone else, take care of me. When H was asked how was he doing and other questions, he was pretty quiet, didn't talk much.
Later H told me he was depressed most of the day and has been for the last couple of days, (Since OW called him.) that he just wants it to go away and her to leave him alone that he is going through emotions too. I can't think about HIS emotions right now he'll have to deal with the choices he made himself. I'm still having a hard time with the lies, betrayal and broken trust. I know I have to forgive but, just can't get past all of it. I mean how could he do this to me? I never thought he would do something like this especially since he knew in my first marriage my ex did the same thing and how hurt I was and he even went through something similar in his first marriage. I know all the books and my own MC says they acted on emotions and to learn from the mistakes to make sure that it doesn't happen again or something like that but, that just doesn't work for me. I want to stay in my marriage and I do love him but I just don't know if I can ever forgive him or am I mixing up forgetting and forgiving. I just don't know. Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon.
Please, anybody out there who has been the one betrayed and worked through their marriage like am now please tell me how you did it. I really need to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. How do you forgive and how do you become intimate again especially when that part of the relationship was reawaken again before the affair was revealed and all the lies.
