21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

Here they are.

http://www.youtube.com/user/DivorceBusting1

[Chuck66]

Well DBing is easier when you dont have to talk. Taking actions to get a life is easier than speaking. W came home early this evening. Well early for her at 5:30 pm and I was getting the kids ready to go see a movie. She says she guesses she's not invited. I told her I never know when she's going to be home and she is welcome to come.

We get in the car and she says she has no money and is she expected to pay for her ticket...old habit/smart mouth of mine said, "No money then you can't go, just kidding" then I had to add "it would have been your ticket AND one of our two kid's ticket too"...then I realized I am not supposed to be an ass especially when she wants to do something as a family so I try to back pedal and say, "I got it for everyone." Saw Toy Story 3 and everyone had fun. W and I had 2 kids separating us and there is a $3 per person charge for 3D glasses that you return to the theater after the show. WTF????

She is one her second night without alcohol. That's very good since she has been drinking every night for months.

Tomorrow is another day.

[LSG]

Chuck66,

DBing is easier when you don't have to talk, but it is still hard. My W and I do not talk much, but it is still tough.

I never know when my W will be home either. I just plan things if she will not be here.

Good catch on the smart arse remarks. Probably not the best thing to do right now.

Keep going forward and be positive.

[Chuck66]

And I shouldn't be making judgement calls on how hard or easy DB is since I have only been on the roller coaster a short while.

I took the kids to Chuckie Cheese without W and W was happiest I have every seen her smiling and grinning before we left. Still not talking, but it's almost like she is on her own DB site. I told her I would bring the kids back by 1 pm since she wanted to take them to Spray Park (small water park). I get home at 12:30 and she has a note that she will be home at 2 pm. That's a DB thing to do too.

Oh well 180s and GAL are for me not for her. If she wants to GAL too then its good for both of us. I had previously bought the family baseball tickets and she asked if I still had hers or if I had given it to someone else. I said I still have it and asked was she wanting to sell it. She said no I will go with you all. Movie yesterday and baseball game tomorrow.

I think that will be it for awhile and I will bow out of a few of the next outings.

LSG,
When my W is not home I plan even MORE things to do than I normally would. I am trying to keep very busy but sometimes the impression that you are busy is easier than taking the time to actually do everything.

Being positive is key... I keep saying that before I enter any room she is already in.

[Chuck66]

I took the kids to Chuck E Cheese and out to lunch. Get home and thought she was taking them to Spray Park. W gets home at 2:30 and says I set her up using the F bomb. She never used to cuss like she has while in this sitch. She said she never said she was taking them anywhere. I said I didn't set you up and thought you said that. She was mad and took the kids to Spray Park to save face with them. She had to pick up her mom and they all went out for ice cream too. She has never taken the kids by herself anywhere except to drop them off at daycare or her parent’s house. If she doesn't anything with them she takes another adult.

I have taking them to parks, movies, Restaurants, County Fairs, baseball games with just the kids. She has not done one thing with just her and the kids alone.

While they were gone I put together and entire trampoline and told the kids to thank mom since she picked it out (I paid for it all)! After having the kids thank mom she didn't seem so mad.

I did tell her that when she was going to go to Street Fest on Wed Night and I watched the kids she said she was going to watch them for me one night. I said I made plans to go out Friday night at 7 and if she could watch the kids even though she cancelled her night out on Wed. She said yes. I few minutes later she asked is it a date or are you going to say it's none of my business? I said its not a date its just me and some guys. It IS some guys but girls are going too. I am going to tell her its a mixed group but don't know if sooner is better than later to tell her. I'm thinkg sooner so she has longer to think about it. I will say one of the guys invited some girls.

She said she needed to go back up to work (7:15 pm) so she will be able to go to the ballgame with us tomorrow. This is her 13th day in a row she has gone to work. She cut out early yesterday for a hair appointment and was going to take most of last Tues off. Still a strong possibility of an EA on her work computer. I used to call and every-time she was at work at her desk. I am not calling tonight to stay on the dark side of dim.

I still feel like I'm being DB'd. Her 180 would be to spend lots of time with the family. She is non festered most of the time (minus the F bomb set her up to fail with the kids thing) and always look busy and make self unavailable. She got her hair done and always looks made up.

Even if she is I still have to make changes and GAL for me no matter what she is doing. I am pressing forward.

[Chuck66]

Off to the ballgame...I have think positive upbeat thoughts today.
BTW, She got home at 11:40 pm last night from work. I did call her at 10 pm (first time I called all week) and asked if she was still going to the ballgame because she was still up at work. I sacked out until she came home. She has not been sleeping well and every-time I woke up last night she was figiting so she really isn't getting much sleep.

[Chuck66]

Went to the game and kept thinking positive thoughts on the drive to St Louis. Wife commented on me being in a good mood and have talked more to her in the car than I had all week. I would say something positive and she wouldn't answer. I wouldn't give up. So I said something about the kids that was positive. No answer. Told a funny story that happened 15 years ago when I tried to eat cat food thinking it was trail mix and she stopped me seconds before it was too late. She laughed.

Then I remembered I was supposed to go to church with my friends and the kids and I called them on the way to the game. I was very vague..."Hey it's me, I'm on the way to a Cardinals game and wont be able to make it, see you next Sun." And that's all I said...

WWIII: That one phone call got her all spun up!! "Well you certainly have a whole new life. Getting phone calls all night long. You are just giddy!" [That comment stems from her getting home late and I was building the trampoline and picked up my turned off cell phone and pretended to be laughing when she drove up and just finished my (fake) conversation when she got out of the car. I had my back to her most the time so it looked like I didn't even know she drove up. That and one other call from my cousin was it.]

She continued with, "Must feel nice getting to go where you want, when you want. We are here because you didn't like me doing these things and now you are JUST GOING CRAZY doing them." I thought I was here because she couldn't decide if she wanted to be with me so I decided for her and filed.

I didn't say a word and she said you're not going to respond? I said I don't want to get into an argument. She said we are not arguing. I said well that's good and said something positive about today's baseball game.

After we got home I was surprised she didn't go to work. She ate supper at the table with the rest of us. She did not drink (On day 5 or 6 without a drink). She has made some changes in herself for the better. Not sure what is motivating that but I like them.

If she does the dishes I put them away. I did them the other day and she put them away. We have both made our beds on different occasions and all of this is done with barely any communication between us. Today in the car was outside the norm.

She does test me...asking if she has to pay for her movie ticket when we went out Sat.

I think I will get up earlier and have something planned early tomorrow that needs me to leave right before her and the kids. Being a stay at home dad...after I leave and she leaves I could come right back to the house and she would never know.

I am really trying to GAL, but I am also embellishing just how busy my new schedule is. Since she is gone for 11 hours a day I have more of a sense of urgency to be busy when she is leaving and arriving home. I think she may be a little jealous of my new lifestyle and was wanting this for herself.

I'm still moving ahead with the D and she is still looking at want ads for either a new job or an additional job. All while we are on the roller coaster.

Nite all.

[Chuck66]

And for Sandi2,
An elderly couple behind us at today's baseball game said this is the second game that have seen your family and wanted you to know that your two kids are the best behaved they we have seen. W and I just looked at each other and smiled.

Four months ago at a Pizza Hut, W was telling me how bad the kids were behaving on a constant basis and was interrupted by a lady from another table who said she watched how well our twins behaved and thought they were very well mannered kids. As soon as she left I said, SEE!

They have been good at summer school as of late too.

Chuck

[Chuck66]

Since I filed for D and my lawyer said this is going to take at least 6 months or around Jan 2011, What happens if I retract my D paperwork in Jan? If she still wants a D and has to file in Jan, then will it take another 6 months before a D is completed?

[Chuck66]

I was leaving with the kids yesterday to go to Pizza Hut just as she was getting home. She wasn't happy. I invited her an she accepted because she said otherwise she would never see the kids. I told her I don't know what time you are coming home and the kids wanted Pizza Hut and it sounded good.

So she later says she will be home by 5:30 every night and that she is making supper so dont take the kids out any more this week. I tell her since she is going to be home that early then she can pick them up at summer school each day... She chides then says can you take them in the mornings then. I say sure.

This morning I got me and the kids up 45 minutes ealrier than usual and we left her at the house getting ready for work. Kids gave hugs/kisses before we left.

Since she is going to be home at 5:30 and getting the kids, I can now do what she does to me and say that I am busy and let her make supper for the kids by herself and deal with showers, nite clothes, story time, teeth brushing like I have been doing by myself for months. Or should I be home and eat a meal prepared by my wife this week?

I don't know if she remembers I am going out with friends on Friday night at 7 pm. She hasn't mentioned it since I first told her.

Chuck