It sounds to me like you are looking for the clues to where your XH is at in all of this...I can tell you first hand not to even bother trying. If you can just enjoy his company for now, accept what he has to give and be patient for anything else, you may build a new relationship with your XH.
Upside, thank you VERY much for your post! I read your thread many times last winter and was really happy for the changes in your situation. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with me now. After the D I really worked at moving forward (still am) while keeping the door open a crack for XH. I just kept trying to "do the right thing" with respect to XH and his family and conduct myself with dignity in general. I have just recently become convinced that XH is in MLC. When XH began to accept and initiate recreation with me I became interested in trying to figure out where XH might be in this process.
H/XH and I have never really been out of contact since the bomb. I think the longest lapse in communication has been 2, maybe 3 weeks. I typically waited for H/XH to initiate contact.......so there continues to be a connection between us, similar to what you described in your situation. I have managed to maintain my cool throughout the last 22 months, but XH's increased friendly contact (reconnecting? or touch-and-go? who knows?!?!!), along with some pretty significant work stresses have converged to put me on the edge recently. I want to maintain my "cool" with XH so I don't blow that situation out of the water while I am collecting myself and planning my future. Your cautionary tale is very timely for me. I wish you the VERY best in your situation. It sounds as though there will be future chapters in your story.
Originally Posted By: missherlove
Reconnection Vs. Touch and Go, this frustrates the h@ll out of me.
I am SOOOOOOOO there with you MHL. ARGHHH!!!!!!! I will watch your thread. Thank you VERY much for contacting me. I want to learn from you and everyone else. Reminders to have no expectations are MUCH appreciated.......I am finding the times between contacts from XH to be more difficult than I would have thought..........I will have to check out the "Little Friday" celebration. 7PM in what time zone? When you have a chance would you please send a link for directions about how to access the party? Thanks!
Normally I'm pretty unflappable, but going through a rough patch right now so encouragement from everyone is VERY much appreciated. When I left my career at the big university to try and save my M...and get a life....I took a full-time position with a clinic in town. Initially this was a great change for me, but in February the partners decided to change the way they calculate salaries....so 1 year after I changed jobs, my income changed fairly significantly. Their decision re: salaries fueled an internal struggle among the partners that very nearly split the clinic. So, I'm reeling from the knowledge that my employment almost imploded. I had a sense that this was happening but got confirmation in a conversation yesterday while at work. Feeling wobbly right now. Need to regroup.......and of course, throughout the last 6 months this has been happening, from time to time I couldn't help wishing I had a 2nd income...........Pity party last night, venting now. Will work my way out of the funk and work on Plan B this weekend. A long bike ride in a bit will help.
Originally Posted By: libbyasking
I have always felt uncomfortable with the black and white nature of reconnection/touch and go. I always felt they are one of the same thing. As they reconnect (touch and go) with us they move away to regroup and rethink even if OW/OM is still in the background (that will cause some 2x4's). As they get happier with the reconnecion big decisions are made regarding the affair and then touch and go's become reconnection.
Libby, I REALLY like the way you framed this! This really helps! I will be watching your situation and wish you the best! Do something nice for yourself today.
Sorry for the long post. Just catching up. I can't do this while at work.
