Quote: Yeah, I know we'll have to talk about this stuff. Why is it always ME who has to bring it up...better head out for some Prep H before even TRYING!
I'm sorry, but I'm LMAO!!!! whining...why do I have to do everything....
Yup it's just that kind of day. CJ can tell, empathized with my loss of about 40 minutes HARD work on my exam (power went out earlier...back up system not engaged ).
Got in over an hour's walking, but even that failed to lift my spirits to any degree.
I think I'll try asking him over dinner if we can set aside some time this weekend to talk. I've never done it this way before, any tips?
Quote: would LOVE to know what CJ feels is DIFFERENT now…how is this Marriage better than the one he wanted to escape?
I asked H this very question. His response I don't know, it just IS. I don't think about it very much or dwell on it...I just go with it. I don't think men are too concerned about the HOW's and WHY's...as long as it isn't driving them nuts or making them unhappy they are satisfied.
On the sex issue...I can only go from my own experience but I'll through this out there (lol...I just erased half this post becasue I realized I was taking the long road again ).
I asked H what his wants and needs were regarding our sex life. Need wise he wouldn't tell me specifics...he said "if I tell you WHAT to do or WHEN then it takes the excitement out of it. Just DO what YOU want to do." My H wanted spontaniety and variety in the bdrm...that is all he would tell me regarding his wants. H is also somewhat passive when it comes to sexual pursuit...it is something he has never really had to work on since women have always chased after him. I think I was the one exception to the rule here (he chased me) although once he caught me I did take on a more aggressive role
With that passivity in mind, perhaps CJ is waiting for YOU to take the initiative? Maybe since this is the area that CJ felt he hurt you fairly bad he is hesitant to just jump in right away? Maybe this is the one area where you NEED to pursue
DOn't know if that helps
ZOO
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
is cj a leg man perhaps? though it is not a solve all...but (if he is a leg man, wich by his comments to ow it sounds that way) perhaps some skirts are in order? long ones with a slit to give subtle showing of the legs? heeled boots to go with? you can even get the chunky heeled ones that will still allow for comfort when walking about campus..(and heck even if cj doesn't act upon it, I'm sure you'll get more ego boosts from others)
I dunno just a thought..seemed to work for me yesterday and I wasn't even suspecting a car ride like that!
Dear ((((( Shiny )))), Boy when I started this post off line you were still on page 1 only to come back and find you on page 2. I wish I had a bit more time for this post and as a guy I don't know if my input is as helpful as you're getting from the gals here ... but I was thinking of perhaps taking a page from Ellie or Bridget.
To break that evening monotony and hopefully draw CJ's attention away from his laptop more often, maybe start setting up a GF (girlfriend) nite or two a week and dress to "kill" (sexy) for the evening. Don't have give him any details other than a GF nite was planned and see if he starts to take notice.
Oh, he would DEFINITELY take note of that...THE ONE AND ONLY TIME during our hellish last year that I DID this, he had a significant reaction.
Sad thing is, he only THOUGHT I was heading out with my best pal MJ (she likes to bar hop), in fact I sat alone in my parent's empty house for the evening.
But he was quite upset and later told me he figured I was out "husband shopping"...in fact he took off and went out to a bar with his sister and niece that night...I was the one who came home to an empty house!
Pretty sure it can't be a weekly thing as my best pal lives an hour away (one vehicle, her H works shifts, I can't drive in the country at night), and my other best pal is a single working Mom.
But I DO like the idea a lot.
LL...as far as the legs go...he's NEVER mentioned being an "anything kind of man"...(he's NEVER commented on breasts, legs, butts NOTHING...each of the women he's slept with has been VERY different from the others...his xwife is 6 feet 1 inch tall, blonde and big...I'm 5'2, brunnette, busty and petite! )
Mind you, he used to like when I wore the stilletto heels in bed ....but (yup, here comes another excuse, but it's a GOOD ONE!!) I've developed major foot problems in the last 5 years which necessetate the use of orthotic insoles....this limits my "leg showing" to summer when I can wear orthotic sandals!
Nothing stopping me from wearing heels and NOT walkiing in them, though, I suppose! ...I just balk at the thought of getting dolled up and being turned DOWN...as has happened in the past. YOU know what I'm talking about, LL!!
Well best get started on dinner...then we're going out to see "the school of Rock".
Oh, and KAW, yesterday when CJ got home from his group session, he announced that he wasn't going to work this weekend...he's not that enthralled with one of the courses he's taking right now (data modelling). Go figure!
I hope KAW will forgive me if I'm wrong shiny...but I took his suggestion as you making a date with bf being cj...so the two of you go out but not as h and w but him (cj) as the boy friend..sorta boost his ego a little..ya know?
hey just cause ya can't wear heels doesn't mean ya can't still show a little leg ya know..they make nice calf boots that are flat too...you can pull those of with a long slit skirt and not feel like you trying to get anything out of it other than lookin nice for yourself.
PLEASE LL if you can find some decent boots I can fit I'd be SOOOO grateful! Seriously, I've been shoe/boot hunting for over a year now with NO luck. Doesn't help that the only specialty shoe store in town closed down last year.
Because of my bunion situation, I need extra width near the toes. VERY hard to find...I'm tempted to have a pair MADE fo me! If I knew where to do that!
I just had a funny thought....
Tonight D and H are coming over. It's H's birthday tomorrow but as one of her precious kitties died this week, and the death of our pals husband, she wants a low-key evening here with us.
Thing is she INSISTED that it be a pajama party...no make up or anything. So I thought I'd wear my flannel men's PJ bottoms and a little top....but I COULD wear the nice black cotton sheath nightie I bought a few weeks ago!
CJ would FLIP....and not in the manner I'd WANT him to.
He slept in bed last night...wish I could have stayed but the snoring was too much so I joined him (from the couch) in the morning. He got up before me, saying he'd be back in a bit. I thought...maybe!!
He did come back, but just spooned. By then my back was getting sore (I was ready to get up) so I asked him to rub it...which he did...then just sort of dozed there. One of the cats joined us.
Finally I said to him "Did you come back to rest, or are we both waiting for the other to make a move?"
He said "Well this feels good..... but you can make a move if you want"... This wasn't quite the response I was hoping for...I said "Well it would be nice to have a sign of interest...."
Just one of those episodes filled with missed opportunities all around.
Why, you ask, didn't I just start making "moves"? Well this is personal, but before I can really do so, I have to go to the bathroom, don special undies....It really can't be spontaneous for me in the mornings. Plus his less than enthusiastic response was not terribly motivating.
(Actually I kind of thought he might have gotten up to take a little blue pill and thus come back to bed more ready for love... )
After we got up I asked him if we could talk about this, but we were side-tracked by a call from H and making plans for the evening.
).
).
I wish I had a bit more time for this post and as a guy I don't know if my input is as helpful as you're getting from the gals here ... but I was thinking of perhaps taking a page from Ellie or Bridget.
)
...I just balk at the thought of getting dolled up and being turned DOWN...as has happened in the past. YOU know what I'm talking about, LL!!