And since you know ALOT more about this stuff than me, I have a few questions:
1) Is it really still considered an "affair" or "addiction" if the WAS is living on their own, filed for divorce, and has their own completely separate life? What makes it STILL an affair if the WAS is out the door. Like, what is the difference between the weeks BEFORE the divorce papers are signed, and AFTER. At what point does it no longer become an affair, and just maybe the next relationship.
2) Since she has been "done" with the marriage for about 5-6 months, what makes you think that she isn't just trying to completely move on with her life. In the past month, she's only called me once, and that was about the divorce. When do you know a spouse has truly moved on?
3) What would make YOU think that a WAS is one of those MWD calls "Only a Miracle could bring them back"? I'm not being negative, I just want YOUR opinions.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/31/1003:23 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Until the divorce papers are signed, she made an agreement with you ten years ago and she's obligated to keep that... morally at least.. which she hasn't been doing...
She's on a marital crime spree if you ask me... And she's headed for a lot of trouble... she's going to mess with a married man the way she's headed and the LBS in that situation may just decide to get even in a not so negotiatory way... I am thinking firearm...
I have read stories of OW being attacked by the LBS wife with a knife before.. I kid you not.
Right now she's TRYING for one... a GOOD relationship will happen when you aren't HUNTING for it...
If she's HUNTING QS it means she has issues... and she will take those issues into the relationsihp and contaminate it... and it won't last long because of that.
Given her current maturity level she isnt' capable of having anything more than a destructive high-school fling...
SHe has no idea how to manage a long term commitment...
People who enter a relationship because they want to experiment sexually or because they are lonely or becasue they want to get back at their spouse none of that crap works out...
And more to the point an emotionally mature person wont GET into a relationship with someone like that... so she's left to prey on deadbeats who have their OWN issues..
Two people who can't make an adult decision between them both? Disaster waiting to happen..
1) Is it really still considered an "affair" or "addiction" if the WAS is living on their own, filed for divorce, and has their own completely separate life? What makes it STILL an affair if the WAS is out the door. Like, what is the difference between the weeks BEFORE the divorce papers are signed, and AFTER. At what point does it no longer become an affair, and just maybe the next relationship.
A: When your divorce is final, or when the two of you mutually agree, out of courtesy and mutual respect for each other, that you are each free to begin dating ... whichever comes first.
I think the FT guideline is to wait at least six moths after the D is final before dating... And that dating before that point isn't going to turn out well as the relationship will be quickly contaminated with the aftermath of D...
And so clearly your wife cheating in secret before its final is just a mess on the horizon...
Think high school QS.. how many of THOSE work out well?
Think two delinquent cheaters in high school and ask yourself what was the success rate for them?
And one more point QS... part of your wife's smugness is her confidence.. She THINKS you dont know about all the crap she's pulling on her PC and her cell phone...
Her SMUGNESS is completely unfounded... When she goes on the phone and chats up some guy she will come back with her fix and have a mountain of confidence to "rain down" on you... most of that confidence is from her thinking she has the upper hand...
Criminals get this kind of high after robbing a liquor store and whatnot... but they have no idea what the police know... its an ignorant high from thinking they have gotten away with something.. in this case "adultery"
SHe DOENS"T have the upperhand... so why let unfounded confidence intimidate you.
Poker is 90% intimidation man... And you are letting your wife intimidate you when YOu can see HER CARDS.. why?
You can do circles around this woman.. you have an INTEL system setup that most people on this forum would KILL FOR... you can dance around the house right now man...
She thinks you don't KNOW about any of her activities on the internet...
And you think she doens't CARE?
Dude, I bet you ONE HUNDRED BUCKS she is STILL checking your FACEBOOK account after she moves out... probably even MORE than she's doing now... your facebook account is the only means of intel she has since you aren't talking to her mother anymore.
