Greek was not the LBS. Her husband, Coach, worked his BUTT off from what I can tell. He is very, very wise and I have loved each and every one of his posts. I am not so sure they would be together if he had not done this. And D4L, I have been the LBS TWICE now.
First time was 6 years ago. 2nd is now. As of TODAY, my H has seen a L and tells me I will be served soon. He is much further in the process this time than he was the first time.
I am doing EXACTLY what I did the first time and GAL, 180s, validating, etc. And although it may look like my H has "moved on", he hasn't. At all. He watches my every move. People who are veterans of this KNOW that this is what goes on.
I have the advantage of knowing exactly what my H is thinking because after the first time he did this, a few years later, he TOLD me what he was thinking!!! I am not "mind readin" at all--he TOLD me how miserable it made him to see me GAL and thrive while he was miserable.
The LBS is the one that does the work. In DBusting it speaks of this--why do WE have to do it? I can't remember the answer, but it may be that we are the more mature ones in the R. We believe in our spouses. We have hope. I know in my R, I am the optimist, and he is the pessimist. Am I upset about that? I know I should be--heck, I should be really REALLY angry that this is happening again. But I learned the first time there are so many positives that come and I'm now enjoying every positive revalation.
The first time this happened to me, I remember feeling like you--how DARE he. I was so angry. But thank GOD I found these boards and looked at MY PART and CHANGED. I had plenty of things I contributed. When I took responsibility for my part, and did all the other things, my R got better. We enjoyed a good 5 years there.
This time, again, I STILL see things I can do better than before. I have gone to a new level of fabulousness.lol. He will be nuts to leave me, but...there you go! Ultimately you do drop the rope--but not before working your BUTT off!!
You are doing well--please believe Forrest and Coach and me when we say this. You can do this!! You are no where NEAR ready to "drop the rope". Heck, you have barely tried to hold onto it, it is not time to drop it!lol.
