I want to be part of the group...

[Jstar]

LSg thank for the support, times when i feel just so alone.

when me kids jogged to store i called h. i was calm, did not yell i validated.

i asked him questions, he listened so ithink.

i asked what would it take to make our marriage work?

he said for me to not think he was a f up, hustler. says he was embarrased that his work got legal court papers to find out what he makes.

i validated sorry you feel that way. when i was thinking in my head, you stupid bleep bleep, in 4 years you never showed your wife your paystub from any of your jobs, i asked for financial transparency and your the dumb bleep bleep that never showed me them

i asked if he ever had an intention of going to marriage counseling, he says no not rate now. i said sorry to hear that, your right why would i want to be married to a man who says he doesn't love me.

he asks why do you want to be married to me/ i said for my children first and foremost to be growing up with their father everyday in their lives
second i have soem feelings for you i don't exactly what htey are and i wanted a change to explore what those feelings are.

there was more to the conversation but i thought it went well.

i've sent him some msgs about reconsidering renting a house for a few reasons,,
1st i said if 50% of his income was garnished could his parents afford it on there own or if h did not have a job he says i'm not dead.

he thinks courts look at how much the non custodial parent has to pay in rent or car and say oh okay mr smith your child support will be less, i tried explaining how the courts view first and foremost the welfare of the children.

i could just let him find out on his own and be like oh crap im gonna quit my job to get paid under the table, i don't think he understand he can go to jail for nto paying, yes he needs to put hsi big boy panties on and i should not even be concerned.

yes i probably have control issue there, him renting a house, with hsi priorities all messed up and feeling like if he rents the house it will be permanent. bad bad jstar.

i told him what happened toe with my 1st divorce. i was ordered to pay x amount made x amount of money and guess what could not afford rent so i had to move home with my mother. this was in 96 with one child and now with 2 kids and more adjusted income, he won't be able to make it.

i don't know, i'm not sure if i want my marriage for my kids or me, or me thinking it would make my life financially easier. that is where the finding otu what i feel for him comes into place.

i what if it: lets say h threw x amount of money at me, i had a car, no child care worry, visitation is whati wanted for him, would i still want to be married to him?

or what if he came back today with bags in hand and said i'm not leaving lets work on this, would i say no?