I gave up...filed for D

[robx]

Hey...I'm just gonna journal

I had a rough day. I have to say I'm over this sh*t...really. I think I'm doing fine and then bam - like getting punched in the stomach.

My S15 tells me - hey mom do you know dad said, "you know his friend" (gf) helped him pick out my cell phone?...in front of those people he lives with and it was so awkward!" I was livid...thinking what is wrong with this man does he have any sense? My older son says, "dad's a fag!" what are we supposed to do?

I see their frustration as he makes passive aggressive remarks to them and I know it hurts them dearly. They don't want to see him and I forced them to go see him this last time. Maybe I won't be forcing them again.

I feel bad enough knowing my former husband betrayed me...but the kids? I can't handle that part. There is no reason on earth he should be telling them about his whorefriend. They are not ready for that.

I don't wish this crap on my worst enemy.

Luv

Luv you can't control him,
if he wants to live his life as an a$$hole,
you must respect his wishes.

However if it makes your kids uncomfortable to visit him, document it, and when he asks to be with them, tell him they're uncomfortable about the stuff that happens when they're with him. You won't keep the kids away from him but you won't force them to visit him if he's going to make them uncomfortable.

[alice444]

(((Luv)))

I had a rough day. I have to say I'm over this sh*t...really. I think I'm doing fine and then bam - like getting punched in the stomach.

I hear ya, sister- the pockets of relative peace are almost ominous b/c now I know (but still haven't totally learned) one of those punches is coming. Every time it still hurts, doesn't it?

My S15 tells me - hey mom do you know dad said, "you know his friend" (gf) helped him pick out my cell phone?...in front of those people he lives with and it was so awkward!" I was livid...thinking what is wrong with this man does he have any sense? My older son says, "dad's a fag!" what are we supposed to do?

I see their frustration as he makes passive aggressive remarks to them and I know it hurts them dearly. They don't want to see him and I forced them to go see him this last time. Maybe I won't be forcing them again.

I feel bad enough knowing my former husband betrayed me...but the kids? I can't handle that part. There is no reason on earth he should be telling them about his whorefriend. They are not ready for that.

I don't wish this crap on my worst enemy.

Luv

What a pathetic excuse of a man, excuse me, but that is just wrong on so many levels. Why didn't they show these traits when we are first meeting them so we would know to STAY AWAY?!

I guess your kids are old enough to see him or not if they want- as long as he doesn't claim later that you kept them from him or whatever- like someone else said- just document it.

I hope Tues brings back some respite and is uneventful.

A

[LSG]

Luv,

That is a terrible thing of your H to do. I feel for you and your kids.

I totally agree that he should not even bring up the OW.

Take care and have a better day today!

[luvless]

I have some stuff to tell you my db friends. I just haven't had the chance. Thank you for stopping by. I will be here shortly to let you know what has gone on.

Luv

[LSG]

Luv,

I hope everything is okay. I will be checking in on you.

(((Hugs)))

[alice444]

(((hugs))) just sending you hugs and hoping you're having a good weekend. Haven't heard anything from you in awhile and hope you're ok, my friend.

[luvless]

Finally got some down time. I have been avoiding anything that has to do with my divorce IF at all possible. It's kind of hard when you get an email from the enemy. I can't believe I hate to see my former husband's name in my inbox. It used to make me smile....anyway whatever.

I've been through a lot guys. On Wed morning I got a call at 1:30am from my mom crying saying my gma was dying. She has been sick but this was a bad turn for her. I rushed to the hospital and spent 10 hrs there. She died at 8am. It was so sad.

I was tired. I got a $55 ticket at the hospital parking lot and then later got a speeding ticket (was going flow of traffic) How lucky can I get huh? The week before my lawnmower and vacuum broke - my tire popped too and there went $240 on top of everything else. Someone was testing me.

After gma died I was tired and just wanted go home but I decided to take my kids out to lunch. I was fine...tired but fine and then! I get a text from my former husband that says, "I just heard about grams I'm so sorry I loved her too" and then it was like someone socked me in the stomach. That minute my sister calls and says are you ok? I said, "I was fine until I got a text from him." She says, "don't worry luv I will be here for you if he isn't going to be." Then I just couldn't hold it in...I started crying like crazy at the table..tears everywhere. I have never ever done that in my life. Maybe because at that moment my former husband sounded human again...and how he wasn't here for me to cry on his shoulders.

It was everything all coming crashing down at once. My avoidance got to me. I left the restaurant and that's when I got the ticket. I went home and cried myself to sleep. I kept thinking. My gram was so special to me...she is the one who told me, "you are going to marry him." I used to laugh and say, "no I'm not." All I kept thinking was little did I know the death of my marriage would be in 2010. The same year she was going to die. It made me very sad.

I haven't been sleeping too well lately but my sister and other family members came from out of state to visit. It's been nice having everyone around. I have enjoyed the time. The funeral was sad yet it reminded me how important family is. We might not see each other all the time but nothing can replace it.

I'm going to get back to healing. It seems as though I took a little dip and need to spring back up. I feel like just giving up then I snap myself out of it. I always thought I could get through a divorce but I was wrong.

Well I hope this wasn't too long but I wanted to update you on what's been going on with me. My former husband does not want to pay school tuition (or says he can't) and that makes me ill because he is buying himself a new car. I guess what I've been trying to deny this whole time is just the truth - he doesn't care.

I don't expect this down cycle to last long because I'm getting pissed. I refuse to allow someone to make me feel sad. He just isn't worth it.

Luv

[courageous wife]

(((luv)))

so sorry to hear about your Grandma! Sounds like everything that can go wrong is going wrong! Don't feel bad for breaking down...I think it is good to let it out and like you said..you snap yourself out of it and go forward!

[robx]

your post wasn't too long luvless,
my condolences to you & your family,
you're going through a lot right now and your grandma passing away gives you perspective on what's really important, living your life, you don't know how much time you have, none of us do, that's why you have to make sure you live a good life for you so that you set an example for your kids to do the same thing.

You are going through quite a bit right now and it's definitely fine to vent with your friends, that's what friends are for.

[Gardener]

(((luv)))
I'm so sorry you lost your gma. What a week, what a series of blows.
And your table meltdown? CityGirl put my crazed week - and incongruent reactions - in perspective earlier today

I tend to agree and can actually really relate to what somebody else said...when one major life event happens it somehow seems to reactivate very deep feelings about the WAS...The scar he helped create is so "infected" that any other issues in my life (ones that have NOTHING to do with him) seem to carry me back to the raging infection that is *him*. ...I cried for hours and eventually fell in to such a deep sleep I heard nothing. Purging to the point of exhaustion was what I needed in that moment of time. It doesn't matter why it happened. My mind and body sent me a message that on that day, something had to give. And maybe that is what you are experiencing.

I'm going to get back to healing. It seems as though I took a little dip and need to spring back up. I feel like just giving up then I snap myself out of it. I always thought I could get through a divorce but I was wrong.

I don't expect this down cycle to last long because I'm getting pissed. I refuse to allow someone to make me feel sad. He just isn't worth it.

Sounds to me that you weren't wrong. You will get through this.

You must be reeling.
Be good to yourself.

Peace,