I will Survive.

[Shelby]

I am on the middle,East coast. I was expecting like $1500. thats why I was surprised and unsure what the average rate was.

[BeginningAgain]

I'm in Northern Virginia and the attorney I went to wanted an initial $1500 if the D was going to be uncontested and there was agreement on the major issues, if there were significant differences then he wanted $2500.

[cat03]

Shelby, don't know what laws are in your state, but child support had nothing to do with my separation status... he was gone and automatically he was liable to pay from the day he left, we did thing amicably and he paid up, but if he hadn't, I had all the right to go to the CS office, file a claim, a sheriff would serve him with papers and that was that, I didn't have to wait to speak with a L.

Now, youare retaining a L because you are expecing a legal court battle? have you talked to him about mediation... granted, it's been two weeks since he's left... don't knwo the whole story, but all might not be lost, after all, that is the purpose of this site, to gain time and try to bust the D.

Ex and I got a mediator, we each had consultations with a L (I never retained one, just paid for 2 visists) since it was an 'amicable D'. If you are short in food money and stuff I would highly recommend you talk to him and tell him you are filing for CSupport or if he wants you both figure our the amount he ought to pay through their website and he can begin paying... as far as I know, dead beat dads get their unpaid CS taken from the checks if they don't pay up.

[Shelby]

I am not sure what to expect. I wasnt expecting to be served papers at my work, I wasnt expecting him to take most of our money out of our account, I wasnt expecting him to cancel our joint credit cards either. But these are all things he has done in the past 2 weeks. I just want to make sure I and my daughters are protected.
I have tried DB for the past 2 years and I still find myself in the surviving the Big D.

I think we do have a lot of issues to go over, health insurance for myself since I am a cancer survivor, The house has never been in my name even though I have lived here for 16 years. I did not want this divorce, but since he wanted it sooo bad that he would have me served at work, even though we were still living together, and he moved out that night, I don't think there is any going back at this point.

I am not going to be mean or revengefull, I just want to make sure I get what I should, He wanted and would like, If I would use his lawyer, But isnt that a conflict of intrest ? And If he wanted to use a mediator like he originally mentioned, why would he go ahead and have me served ?

Hope I am making sense, I have a lot on my mind tonight.

[Reincarnated]

Please get yourself your own atty. If there is a women's center near you, they might have some referrals who would have low or even no retainers.

Have copies of all the bank statements that show that he took the money, along with the joint credit card statements.

You are right that you have to be proactive now - the business decisions that are made in a D will effect you for many years to come.

((((hugs))))

[Shelby]

Thanks Donna...Found



For the most part I think I am handling most things emotionally well, But he was here today to look at my car, because it is leaking anti freeze and mow the lawn....should he still be helping me out with these things if he wants a divorce ??

Anyways we get to talking and then I start getting emotional again, I quess I will get better at this as time goes on, I do not like crying in front of him. We did have some good normal conversation mixed it too.

He also mentioned that when he comes to spend ime with the Girls and if they go out to dinner, he would like it if I joined them. I really do not know what I think about this.

He is still so confusing to me.

[Reincarnated]

He is trying to be "the good guy" and ease his guilt.
You have to decide if you can so quickly become "friends" after being married so long, because you should not be any more committed to a relationship than the other person.
I personally found it too difficult (but I was also a flaming co-dependent going through major withdrawals).

[Shelby]

Donna...Found, Could you please tell me more about being co-dependent ? I really think I am/ was also this. I know/knew our marraige had problems for years, but I was too afraid to admitte it, I kept trying to repair it.

Now, I do not know what was the right thing to do. keep on trying to fix a broken marraige, because I was/ am too scared to move on on my own.

OR should I be happy that I did try everything I knew and DB to fix things things and now I know I can not do it on my own both people in the marraige have to be working on it.

I know I keep saying it. But here I go again.....I am sooooo CONFUSED.

[Shelby]

Sorry for the previous post....I had just gotten in from a Girls night out and was tipsy posting.

Better to post here though then to start texting the husband.

[Shelby]

My Daughters would really like to get away for the weekend, just to my parents place. I would love to go too. I am just afraid of leaving the house for the that long. I am worried the husband will come buy and either remove things or get on the computer and get and remove info. I maybe totally paranoid, at this point I just don't know. He has not been trust worthy in the past month.

My lawyer did say I could change the locks even though my name is not on the house. I am still worried about what the husband would do if I did that, I am sure it would piss him off. He keeps reminding me that we are still married therefor he can come and go as he chooses.

Any suggestions ??