Guys I am so happy I went. I feel so much better. So many things are clear. My old pastor really put me at ease. He said the same things that I pay someone $75 a hour for LOL. And the counsler we go too is pretty darn good. I wish my wife would of been there, but then again Im not sure I would of got as much out of it as I did if she was there. Plus she is not ready yet. Basicaly he said that I have to work on me. Let God change me from the inside out. He said the chances of her coming back go way up, because I change, Im happy the kids are happier, and there is a good chance she will want what we have. But if she doesnt, it will make me a better person and will help me in whatever down the road. I kinda knew that but coming from him it hit home more. He also talk about the "love bank". He said everything my counsler said along with this site and all the books I read...lol. So its in Gods hands now. I texted her the following in the church parking lot :
"I just wanted to tell you Im going to work on myself. Im going to do the things that is going to make me have a better relationship with my wife, children & God. I cant tell you what to do but I can show you. Im not going to make anymore promises but I can show you if you give it time. I love you, I made most of the mistakes in this marriages, Im sorry, I want your forgivenss but I know that will come only when your ready. I realized today that I always didnt do a good job in leading this family by example. I want this marriage to work, I want the children to have there home back with us. I cant control you but I can control myself and change from the inside out. Its not going to happen over night, but its not going to take long either, I can all ready feel it coming. And when you see it your going to want what the kids and I will have and then you can have it and come back and take your spot in this family and we will have more happiness than you can ever imagined! Today did me a lot of good. Steve said he cant wait to meet you and talk to us both. We can be happy together and love each other and all be a family, If you ever want to talk, spend time together or whatever Im here. I love you, keep your eyes peeled!" *** End Text***
I really do feel at peace right now. Me and the kids are going to start back to church either this Sunday or next. The best part is Im doing this for me and the kids, hopefully one day she will goin us. I plan to let that be it for the relationship talk. Outside of counseling until things really improve. I wasnt even going to send that but I just felt it. I went all day until then. Not that it means anything she call me and talked about the kids birthday parties and school supplies list etc. I was the 1st to get off the phone for the 1st time in 7 weeks. It felt good. (This was when I was on my way to the meeting) Since then she text me in general conversation and we exchanged about 14 text each. Nothing major, but hey its talking. Ill take it. I also told her I had to do somethings but to hollar at me later if she wants to.
I know I will have up and down days but its going to be easier letting God handle it. Just be nice, improve, keep being a great dad, and let her choose.
