If you make yourself the happy fun interesting dude, that sure can help to draw your W back. Also, by living your own life and moving on, it can cause her to draw back to you because of the "wanting something you cant have" thoughts. Some of her interest in DJ is because he is "something she cant easily have".
But the #1 thing you should be doing is continue to be the solid foundation for your kids. If you put the majority of your focus on them, the rest of life has a way of falling in place.
You are letting anything your W says and does push your buttons to overanalyze things. She has way too much control over your actions. Likewise, your line of thinking that you can convince her with words that she needs to snap out of it is controlling. I wish you would have posted the email you sent 3 weeks ago here before sending it to your wife. Everyone here would have said to not send it to her.
I would like to see some posts from you that dont ask for answers about WTF could be going through your currently batchit crazy wife's mind now. Writing some more detail about what fun things you are doing for your kids and yourself would be a good indication that you are detaching.
BTW... I did very similar obsessing about what was going through my W's mind and I tried to reason with her also. Sometimes it just takes hands on experience to learn what does not work.
