How To Tell The Kids

[BeingMe]

Been there, done that, many times. It's as if somehow, it will be okay if he does it often enough. My H didn't bother telling me how unhappy he was ... just went straight to having the EA, then it seemed he had been miserable all our M. She was his "soul mate" (I used to be the one). Rewrote our history. I didn't think our M was one built in fairyland, not completely ideal, but it sounded like he had been in purgatory for 19 years. Go figure! It's weird that I was the one who was the LBS, now I am the WAW. I am not comfortable with that title, but I really, really have tried to get through to him. It's strange, but since we decided to call it quits, things have felt calmer. So, I think it's the right thing to do, ultimately.

With your sitch, I think your W may not have told you, but we all have a part to play in the demise of a M. And, that's where she went wrong. Instead of just assuming you knew what she felt, she should've told you. Now, she has put her children's family in jeopardy --- the children she purports to love so much. Kids rarely get over D completely. Instead of turning to another man, she should've done all she could to fix the M, to make sure you understood the gravity of the situation. But, what's done is done, and one has to move forward from this place.

I just have to say, what a cheek she has in snooping in your blackberry when she is the one that cheated. But, on the other hand, I hope that you have come to the conclusion that there is no point in snooping yourself. It takes up too much energy, and if you find something, then so what? You are still, apparently, getting a D. So, act like it.

Not sure at what point you're at, but your W (up to where I read) seems to want to be D'ed and free to do as she pleases, while you still pay the bills, etc. IOW, she wants the financial side of M, but not the emotional/family side. Do I have it right?

She can't have it both ways. I am expecting things to change a lot for me, but my H and I are good friends, and I think we always will be. I don't think he wants a S, but he also realizes that I can't go on with the charade. We are "lucky" that our kids are all out of school, bar one who is starting university in Sept. What is different with me is that I don't have OM, and certainly don't want one. If H wants to get involved with OW then I have no problem as long as he does it away from the house, and children until we are D'ed, if it goes that far.

Okay, that's my 2c worth.