I'm tempted to do the "can't be friends" either. We'll be co-parents, but never friends. If a friend of mine was acting the way she is, I'd be severely disappointed, and tell them. But with our WAS, we bite our tongue because we're so afraid of angering them.
H came by to hang out with the baby this morning. He was in a very good mood, and happy! I left them alone to play
Again, when he left, he walked over to the dog, saying goodbye dog, and kissed her, then goodbye son and kissed him then walked across the room and goodbye W and kissed my cheek again.
I know. It was nothing. But why all of the sudden is he kissing me goodbye? Months ago, he seemed off if our skin touched. He brought up my bday, and of course asked if I needed anthing done around the house, and said he'd run a few errands for me.
The friends thing... Other than his bday, not sure we are being friends. We are basically just coparenting. I know I'm not doing anything drastic, but I'm definitely withdrawing, and every time I do, he comes forward! But this may just be his selfish comfort thing... Which would be really mean! He know I love his stupid self!
Thinking of installing hidden cameras to tape our encounters, as I swear I make them up! Lol. Only kidding.
taking baby for a walk. Have a great day everyone!
I'm tempted to do the "can't be friends" either. We'll be co-parents, but never friends. If a friend of mine was acting the way she is, I'd be severely disappointed, and tell them. But with our WAS, we bite our tongue because we're so afraid of angering them.
Why do they do "it"? I guess because to them it is fun and brings them pleasure.
How is my dynamic trio doing this morning... (meaning me the baby and the dog)... MY???
H has been here every day and we communicate all day every day... dont know if that is necessarily a good thing.
gave the baby a bath and H came in the bathroom for a second to help and when he grabbed the baby from him, our faces were so close together and i looked up and we just paused for several seconds... almost like he was coming in for a kiss... seconds passed... long seconds and i turned away... im so sure it was not what was happening... but just an example of how close he comes to me! It happens all the time...
maybe he just likes this thing... i am going to admit it but yes... it is fun for him... i feel the akwardness you feel when you are around someone you are attracted to, before anything comes of it... like being 18 again and you think he likes you and he knows you like him and he is shy and doesnt know how to act!
he wrote text tonight, not sure about what, but said how he felt rested after he left the house today and how much pressure and stress he is under w/ boards coming up in days, and i said wrote something like... see we help you relax... we are good for you.. . he wrote back yes you are (with winking smiley face)
I swear my H is flirting with me... i just feel it... once in a while he says something or does something and then gets that look in his eyes and he sheepishly smiles and blushes and i get the same way... what the heck is this!!!
BD...just getting caught up! Keep doing what you are doing... dang, this flirting thing is new, right? MWD references baby steps. I think I remember her saying something like how we mustn't over look the small changes!
So guess what- you are letting him PURSUE you and keep your self control and let it happen- make him make the first move, and oh baby, FIREWORKS are in store! Yay!
Uh huh,uh huh, go BD! uh huh! lol!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Ok. My aunt from italy skyped me today to see the baby and to congratulate me on the baby... here is how the conversation went...
Congrats... Blah Blah Blah... all the good happy stuff and me going on about how much i love the baby and cant get enough of him...
So happy to hear H is so involved and helping out... send him my luv... (thanks, very thoughtful, too kind)
Hope one time that we skype I could see H too (really... ok i do know that my aunt truly adored H, but ok... a but strange)
One day you will fall in love so deeply and this guy will fulfill your life and do some much for you and love you entirely (ok... not the time and place, but i understand your wanting for me to be loved and adored, like i did H.)
and when this other guy loves you, you can have more kids, have your family and be happy (ummm... really dont want to hear this...)
my reply, i have the love of my life right here,and hug the baby...
...then she came in with the killer
And then you will realize that your H never truly loved you and what you had wasnt real...
(what a way to ruin my day and remind me of my loss... needless to say the conversation ended and i am now in tears...)
who am I kidding... H, which i should probably type out as STBXH, butjust cant bring myself to admit it, didnt love me, at least not enough... AND if his feelings werent resurrected when the baby was born they never will...
Its like all of the pain is still there... i just dont have time to deal with it, and dwell on it like i used to but the truth is he did stop loving me... he did file for Divorce... he did leave me... and the boy too.
I dont understand, why I put myself through this... I really should not even think of H, i should accept that he left and never want him back...
seriously i dont even have the time, or the energy...
a tiny part of me doesnt think i could ever fully forgive him or love him the same or trust him, so why am i still hanging on... i am in love with a ghost... one who no longer exists...
and H... well, who doesnt like being admired and loved. I am his security blanket... his baby mama... i often wonder how things would have been different if there were no baby involved... would be be divorced by now... would i live somewhere else other than our home... would i be able to hate him and get over him... maybe if i didnt dream up a future with him, things would be differnt...
its really hard to pick myself up when even at the happiest time of my life, i will always be seen by others as that girl... and the baby too.
I do know one thing... The pain, the hurt, the lies, the deciept... if i had to go through it all over again to have this beautiful baby boy in my arms... would I do it... ABSOLUTELY.
Maybe its not flirting... maybe H is just really awkward at moments and blushes and gets jittery! H likes playing this mind game thing wth me... strange because H was the one who pursued me for years, and i always said he loved me more... i read it all wrong.
I have to stop dwelling on the little 'signs'. I would need an I LOVE YOU BOMB to be dropped on me, just like the ILYBINILWY he gave me. And... I wouldnt make it so easy for H. He would have to go to IC to figure out why he felt the way he felt, and MC to deal with our R, and he'd have to work so hard at making me want to work at it. He would have to give up a lot in his life, like his selfishness with time and friends and put me first. He would have to WORK to show me he cared even a tiny bit... he'd have to beg and plead and cry for my forgiveness... and dedicate himself fully to R.
He would, above all, need to learn how to communicate... and even after all this, what if i cant do it...
I know he would never do any of this... i'm just saying...
(with winking smiley face)